So much for not being a whiny asshole.

As stated on my Facebook page about a week or so ago, I do NOT know why I bother waking up in the morning. It is a complete waste of time, since every day I seem to wake up to a fresh new hell. Nothing has any meaning anymore, and I don't care. I have no desire or any plan to attempt to make it better, it always turns out a fail anyway.

I had a nice run though. Thinking I was really gonna have that happy ending was kind of nice. Especially since I always suspected I wouldn't. Turns out I was correct about the latter. No surprise.

Another fail came today in the form of a now permanently crushed ambition, my dream if you will. I have always wanted a career in the military, and was steadily working towards it a couple of years ago. Was about ready to go to MEPS, sign and ship. Then a wonderful friendship became a very amazing relationship, and due to the request of the person who has my heart, I gave up that one thing that I always wanted.

My bad.

Do I regret the decision? It's hard to say. If I had it to do over again, I would do it the exact same way. I would also be having the same emotional breakdown I'm presently having, knowing that there is nothing I can do about it now.

The Army has once again lowered the recruitment age, so that makes me no longer eligible.

I don't really know how else to put it except to say FUCK MY LIFE...

I know there are plenty of people in my life that are glad to know this information, as they never wanted me to go anyway.

If said people give a shit about me even the tiniest bit as they say they do, they will all kindly keep their fucking mouths shut about their joy in this development.

I don't want to hear the "I'm sorry" or "It's probably for the best" OR "Maybe it just means you weren't supposed to go" statements from anybody. I made a quick decision based on being in love with someone, and it's just another regret I will have to live with for the rest of my life, which will likely be far longer than need be.

All around fail.

I don't regret giving it up for him, nor do I blame him. Just another pothole in the road of my life, hahahaha.

Whatever, fuck it.