So long Christmas, until next time...

The best part about Christmas?

...when it's finally over.

I despise the holidays, except Halloween.  Halloween IS the best holiday, period.

Anyhow, another disappointing holiday come and gone.  Christmas used to be a great time of year, when it was less commercial, when my family was still close, and when life wasn't so damn complicated.  Money isn't and has never been important to me.  Too bad that's not the case for most everyone else.  That's why I make my stance on the holidays clear...

...keep that shit to yourself.

I have to spend the next few weeks looking for not only a better job, but also a second job.  With the ramifications of Obamacare hitting most fast food workers (at least that's the excuse we are getting from owners/corporations...cheap fucks), everyone outside of management is now only eligible for 30 hours a week, cutting a whole weeks worth of work off our checks every month.  It's a good chunk of money we are all losing, believe me.

And I still don't think fast food workers should be getting paid $15.00/hour, and I've been doing it off and on for over 2 decades.

All I can say is hopefully next year will be better than this one.

2013 fucking sucked!!! xD

Cheers all :p

It's gonna be a long day today.

Yesterday was my baby sister's 4th wedding anniversary. Still can't believe it's been that long, but it has. It's not a difficult anniversary to forget.

Just like today is just as easy to not forget.

Four years ago today, I gave my heart to the one person I've ever truly and deeply loved. Even though he is not here by my side like I would like him to be, he is still the one and only who will ever have my heart and soul.

I could go on and on about how much he means to me and why, but there are not any real words to describe the love I have for him.

Love is not a word that should ever be used lightly, though it understandably takes most of us a while to figure out the difference between real love and what love is thought to be.

I hope that everyone and anyone who reads this will know even one second of the happiness I've had with him. If you do, then you will have known real, true love.

Even if you don't get to keep it, NEVER take for granted that kind of love. It may not last, it may not work out the way you want it to...that's right, you probably won't get the fairy tale.

If you are lucky enough to experience real love, appreciate it. So many more in the world will never know it, and that is heartbreaking because love is something everyone deserves.

Live your life like every day is your last, no hesitation, no regrets. Love like you might never again get the chance.

Cheers ;)

Think I finally figured it out...

I spend a lot of time alone. Make no mistake, it's by choice.

As I don't sleep much, I'm always looking for something to do in order to occupy the time I'm not at work or school.  Video games take up a good chunk of that time, but not all of it.

That's the reason I started this blog in the first place. Lately, I often sit and wonder why I have been having such a hard time getting back to my writing and maintenance of this blog. I used to spend a good amount of time working on it because it was so satisfying to me as well as therapeutic. About a week ago, out of nowhere, it finally hit me. 

I didn't think about it...I just DID it. 

Whatever thoughts jumped into my head, whatever I was feeling, I would just log on, blurt it out here, and move on. It wasn't ever any real effort, it all came naturally. 

I didn't treat it like WORK, which is where my mind has been with it. A few weeks back I filtered back through some of my old postings, looking for a particular picture. During that time, I noticed the differences between when I started, the mid-point when I really hit my stride, then the last couple of years where I kind of fell off.  In an effort to kind of come back from the dead, so to speak, I did try to write now and again, but you can see the differences. I had to put far too much effort into some of those postings, just like I mentally edited them while I was writing, something else I never did before.

I hate fucking editing myself. Not doing it anymore. 

I've had the attitude for years that you have to take me for who and what I am. I live my life the way I choose, and I don't explain myself to anyone. So hopefully my writing will get decent again and I will get that satisfaction back that I so miss. 

Cheers! :) 

I REALLY should be fucking sleeping hahaha

...but like I've said for years...

Sleep is for dead people >:)

I really am going to sleep soon, as I have to be at work for the second of 4 11-hour shifts this week in approximately....5 hours and 27 minutes.

Have so much to do in the very near future. As in Monday, my next day off, which won't really be a day off by the time I'm done doing what I need to.  This includes a trip to Seattle to start the process of getting checked into school next quarter.  As I may or may not have stated here previously, online classes are decidedly NOT for me.  I have zero focus, the classes are boring as shit, the work is too easy (yes, that is a real problem for me), and group work is impossible with strangers, who all work online at different times, due to work, time zones, etc.

It's all good though, because I'm going into the program I REALLY want to be in (more on that when it's official), and I will be back on campus, which is the preference.

I also need to find a second job, mainly because it's time for me to have a car again, tired of people bitching at me about all the walking I do (fuck them anyway, I DO WHAT I WANT!), and it is just easier to do shit like grocery shopping or multiple errands when you don't have to do it on public transportation or depend on someone else's timeline. I'm fortunate enough to have people who care about me and get me where I'm going whenever they can, and I'm grateful, but I really don't like depending on other people for anything.

I've taken care of myself literally almost all my life, and like and old dog, I'm not changing my ways.

Don't have to, you can't make me! :p

Hope everything is well in the world for all of you...

Cheers! :D

It's been an interesting few weeks.

I haven't been working much, due to my knee issues.  Still have not been in to see the specialist, but I will be doing that next week.  Been waiting to get the money so I can actually be taken care of.  Not having health insurance is a bitch.

Not having cash around because I haven't been working due to my DISLOCATED knee, even more of a bitch.

The fact that it took the two emergency room and one other visit to the specialist for them to figure out a dislocation was the problem in the first place....fucking nonsense. Luckily my tax return finally came in so I didn't get kicked out of my apartment.  My roommate would have likely had to go back to Nebraska, which he would have hated, and I would have had to go back to Cali, which I would have hated more.  I would move back to Nebraska before I moved back to Cali. Serious shit.

Anyhow, that issue resolved, now it's time to keep working on this bad knee so I can finish out this lease and move somewhere else.  This apartment was okay for the transition time I've spent here since leaving (albeit temporarily) Omaha, but it's time to find a new place. Sick of all the DV going on here constantly, the meth heads that live downstairs, blah blah.

Time to find a new apartment, will start looking as soon as I get this damn knee fixed.  It really is holding me up and causing nothing but misery right now.

I also plan on getting a second job.  I spend a lot of my time remembering the days when I had two full-time jobs and I never had to worry about things like getting behind in the rent if I had/wanted to take a few days off for whatever reason.  I miss being able to go on vacation whenever I want, to wherever I want and know that I have money in the bank when I get home.

Being in this situation is pretty much my own fault though.

I have spent most of my life (and apparently have not broken this habit) doing for everyone else.  Putting my life on hold to accommodate the needs of the ones I love. I know some people would consider this non-beneficial behavior, but what can I say?

It's just who I am, and I wouldn't change it for the world.

So I will do what I know.  I will get a second job and spend what time I don't spend on homework, working.  I will pay off what few debts I have, I will get a car again, FINALLY (it's time lol) and I will get my comfy life back.

The nice thing for me is I don't require much.  As long as I can go to my concerts, buy my comics and music, I'm good.

Next quarter will see me back on campus, in the field of study I actually wanted to really be in.  Well, second, I already have a degree for the first (for all the good it's done me).  Can't wait for that. I'm applying for management at Wendy's, maybe they can find me a location close to the school, and that would be the best excuse ever to move into the Seattle area, which is where I really want to be.  Work and personal wise, it would be ideal, as that is where most of my best friends (my true family) live.
.
Now off to do some homework, hopefully, if I can stop being distracted by bad kitties and a bored roommate.

Cheers!!

So this knee issue is really starting to piss me off.  I hate being incapacitated, I have too much to do in my life without the interference of an injury.  I'm supposed to wait for a month before I go back to the doctor so they can make a final decision about surgery or what have you.

I'm not going to make it that long.

I will be going back to the hospital some time this weekend, they are going to do something about this, one way or another.  The pain is ridiculous, my other leg, my GOOD leg is now starting to give out. Rolled my ankle a bit ago just trying to take the few steps from my living room into my bedroom. A whole lot of suck.

Well, at least I got the grocery shopping done, thanks to my good friend Miss Rose who drives me pretty much wherever I need to go.  If it wasn't for her, life would be a hell of a lot more difficult.  It's good that is out of the way now, as I have to concentrate on homework this weekend.

Right now though, I'm going to concentrate on making this fucking pain in my knee go away while I'm playing my game. That's right, it's game time!! As I am an officer in my guild, it is my responsibility (as I see it) to be able to answer questions for my guildies about the game in general.  Part of this is done by having one type of each profession and knowledge on the different and best ways to run them.  Also a general knowledge of all the area maps is helpful. With the addition of crafting and an assortment of other new things in the game, it could almost be a job!

I fucking wish....*sigh*

Well, off to my favorite place, gaming world....peace and harmony (for my brain).

Cheers!! :)

Oh life, how you love to play games with me!!

Ssoooooo....went to the orthopedic surgeon this morning, because my bad knee has officially told me.."fuck you bitch" lol Doctor says..

1) "We will try some physical therapy first to see if that helps. Keep your knee braces on, use your crutches."  Somehow, in the deep reaches of my brain, this does not truly make sense, but hey, I didn't spend a decade in med school/training/etc. so what do I know?

2) "You know why your knee is so bad? You have NO cartilage left in your knee." So THAT'S what that weird grinding sound I'm always hearing is!! XD Yes, you can hear bone on bone, oddly interesting.

3) "Come back and see me in one month, I will let you know then if you are still gonna need surgery." I think that's a given at this point.

This is day 5 at home...omhfg if I need surgery and I have to be home for longer than that afterwords.

NOW do you people see why I hate doctors?!?!?! >.<

I really am bored out of my fucking mind.

You see, I'm one of those weirdos who actually LIKES to work. I like to stay busy, due to my aversion to sleep.  It explains all my time spent on video games, doing this, maintaining fan pages, blah blah.

I was actually out of the house for a few hours today (doctor appointment and all) and it was great!! Didn't do anything but it was better than being where I am now...in bed again.

Homework tonight, in just a bit.  Doing pretty good on that one, just gotta work on my computer lab and my final project (easy). Then probably back to gaming, as I'm balls deep into my game again, think I may have mentioned that, and probably will again many, MANY times.

Looks like I'm off for a bit to go run some errands, will talk at y'all later!

Cheers!

Fuck sakes....

So went to the hospital, knee is just not cooperating.  She proceeds to tell me I need to go see the specialist, the orthopedist, because it is apparent from her examination that my knee is shot. So until I get to go see this specialist, I'm to stay off my feet as much as possible. To aid in this endeavor, I have an immobilizer, one of these leg contraptions that runs from hip to ankle. Like an old friend I could have gone without seeing ever again.  Also a good thing I held on to both sets of crutches, as I need them again...I knew I would eventually.

No work today due to this development.  To be quite honest, I kinda wish I had gone. I'm bored out of my fucking mind, because even though I can game, do homework and write in peace, I know I should be there. Even though my boss made sure my shift was covered last night, because he saw what working yesterday did to me.  Now just have to decide whether or not I'm going back Wednesday, or if I'm gonna take that off too and go back Friday.

Decisions, decisions.

Watching Venture Bros. again, probably gonna game for a little while. Haven't started yet because I'm still deciding what character I'm gonna work on tonight. I have 5 so far, 4 of which I'm putting serious time into, one which is close to level cap.  Also considering switching my main to a different profession, but undecided as of yet. Some people would be wondering what the shit I'm talking about right now, but just as many totally understand.  That's all that matters. About as much as the fact you are likely reading babble and nonsense from someone you don't really know.  I imagine since I have been following several bloggers for many years now, it's the same idea.

Sometimes other people's lives are just as interesting (or not) as yours.  It's either that or inherent need to be nosy in other people's business. XD

Meh, need to find something else to do, probably be back later.  I've got a lot of hours to pass between now and Wednesday!!

Cheers! :)

So damn busy all the time!!!

Why does it seem like I haven't gotten anything done then??

Maybe because the stuff I really want to work on is always getting set aside for a later date.  Like writing here.  Or maintaining my wrestling fan page.  Or just relaxing without thinking about the dozens of things that always need to be done, like work, school/homework, cleaning, shopping, blah blah fucking blah...

Oh well, resting and sleep is for dead people, and I'm not one of them yet.

Currently waiting for my tax return money to come in so I can get some bills paid off and then I will be able to relax slightly.

Trip to the hospital tomorrow, as my knee has decided that it no longer wants to cooperate.  It no longer allows me the ability to walk up and down my stairs like a normal person, instead causing me to hop down the stairs on my good leg, or literally dragging myself up the stairs because I can't push pressure on my knee on the way back up. Talk about fucking lame.  I guess all these years of avoiding knee surgery is finally kicking me in the ass, looks like my time is up for that one.  If that's the case, then I have to figure out how to get my days rearranged at work, because I can't afford the time off, and I guarantee I will be back at work long before I should be.

Yeah, I'm mental, but whatever.

Unfortunate but true....only money makes the world go 'round, especially for those of us who work for minimum wage and need every hour we can get.  Better than no job, that's for fucking sure.

Besides, I plan on taking at least a short summer vacation, maybe as early as May, so I need to work as much as possible. I am NOT missing summer concert season this year dammit!!

Back to watching the Venture Bros., trying to relax the leg before my nap. Then up and to the doctor...updates to follow.

Cheers! :)

Been home for about 30 minutes now, and after sitting here basically staring at the wall due to being so exhausted, I have to decide if I want to game a little before bed or if I'm just gonna crash. After a VERY long weekend of work and finishing up my first class of the quarter, I just need to rest. I have another class I have to start work on, but that is going to have to wait until Tuesday.

Hope my tax return gets here as fast as it did last year.  Stuff to buy and all.  Need to finish designing my tattoo, then actually find someone capable of pulling it off.  Have an idea of where I want to go to have it done, but it's going to take some interstate travel, so it may have to wait until summer.  I'm okay with that, then I can actually where short sleeves and show the damn thing off!!

Gotta make an appointment with the school this week so I can talk to a counselor about changing programs. No more procrastinating.

More writing tomorrow, when I'm not zoning out.

Off to my coma...

What a fucking day I had today!!

Just got home from work like an hour ago, though it really should have been like 3 hours ago.  Two transformers in the area of my job blew up today, so the power was out for two hours.  Everything on both sides of the street, including the Towne Center was down for the count.  Oddly enough, I was the only one who worked on making sure the store was ready when the power came back on, which was a good thing, because we got NAILED when the lights came back on.  We had to turn away about 3 dozen people or so because we had to redo all our product and such.  When we finally did get up and running again, it was like a fucking circus.

P.S. by the way....some people have no home training. -.-

It's amazing to me how filthy people can be when they are out in public.

Due to this, I was at work an hour and a half longer than I should have been, since they left the damn dining room in shambles.  On the upside, people were cool about having to wait.  To them, it was better than the alternative, which was going to the McChord store.

Needless to say, they don't have the best service reputation and we get most of the business in the area of the military base, even though our stores are less than two miles apart.

So tired, so hungry...yet too lazy to get of my ass and remedy either of these situations.  It nice to just sit right now.

Have a ton of homework, 1 of my classes is finishing this Sunday, have to finish my 10 page paper and my final, which consists of 7 essay questions TOMORROW, as it's the last full day I will have uninterrupted to work on it.  Bleeehhhhh.....

Really need to get a hold of these online people so I can get my program changed.  More on that when it's actually done.

Hmmmm...cup o' soup sounds like a plan...and my customary glass of Coke that is always by my side.

Cheers!!

...a new year, with no real difference...

Yes, it's now 2013.

I've read thousands of books in my life so far, and to be honest, expected the world to be much different than it actually is right now.

Ah, the delusions you have when you are young.

When the new year begins, so many people make "resolutions", mainly with the best of intentions. Then there are the people who make said resolutions, because they feel it's required, knowing they have the intention of changing nothing.

I make resolutions, on New Year's Eve/Day, or ever.

I decide to do, then I do it.

Capricorn....what else needs to be said?

My life may not be ideal for most, but it works for me.  I know I'm a good person and the people that actually really know me will tell you the same, guaranteed.  Can I be a bitch? Abso-fucking-lutely.  I have a very high bullshit tolerance, but if you shit on me and use and abuse my kindness long enough, I will turn on you so fast it will make your head spin right off your shoulders.  There is no coming back from that with me.  My inability to ever forgive would probably be considered a major downfall, but if you knew how far you could push me to get me there, you might not.

I've already made some major changes in the last few weeks of this new year, with more to come.  Back to blogging full-time this year, now that I have my work/homework schedule more organized.  After visiting with my brother a couple of weeks ago and finally meeting my niece Kiaren, I will be doing what I can to spend more time with her and my nephew, who should be here shortly. I have never and still don't apply the word "friend" to anyone lightly, so as always I will make sure those who are my friends know what they mean to me.  I will continue to care about and protect my BFFF, even from a distance, because he and his girls are very important to me.  He is happier than he has been since I've known him and I will DESTROY anyone who tries to take that from him.

I will continue to love until the end the one who knows he has my heart, because real love is rare. Like I told him years ago, if it's not him, it's not going to be anybody. Simple fact of life, or at least my life.

I will continue to love my life, to be as happy as I can, and enjoy this gift of being alive, something too many people take for granted if you ask me.

I plan on doing a lot of traveling the next few years, going places I've always wanted to see, going to as many concerts as I can fit it, and most importantly, getting reacquainted with Vancouver, still my favorite place on earth....Canada rules lol

To all my friends, old and new....live your life with no regrets, don't do the things you know you might, don't take for granted the gifts you are given, treat others as you are treated, don't let others bring you down, live your life in a way that will make you happy, it is yours and you never know when it's going to be over.

Live every day like it could be your last. :)