So much for not being a whiny asshole.

As stated on my Facebook page about a week or so ago, I do NOT know why I bother waking up in the morning. It is a complete waste of time, since every day I seem to wake up to a fresh new hell. Nothing has any meaning anymore, and I don't care. I have no desire or any plan to attempt to make it better, it always turns out a fail anyway.

I had a nice run though. Thinking I was really gonna have that happy ending was kind of nice. Especially since I always suspected I wouldn't. Turns out I was correct about the latter. No surprise.

Another fail came today in the form of a now permanently crushed ambition, my dream if you will. I have always wanted a career in the military, and was steadily working towards it a couple of years ago. Was about ready to go to MEPS, sign and ship. Then a wonderful friendship became a very amazing relationship, and due to the request of the person who has my heart, I gave up that one thing that I always wanted.

My bad.

Do I regret the decision? It's hard to say. If I had it to do over again, I would do it the exact same way. I would also be having the same emotional breakdown I'm presently having, knowing that there is nothing I can do about it now.

The Army has once again lowered the recruitment age, so that makes me no longer eligible.

I don't really know how else to put it except to say FUCK MY LIFE...

I know there are plenty of people in my life that are glad to know this information, as they never wanted me to go anyway.

If said people give a shit about me even the tiniest bit as they say they do, they will all kindly keep their fucking mouths shut about their joy in this development.

I don't want to hear the "I'm sorry" or "It's probably for the best" OR "Maybe it just means you weren't supposed to go" statements from anybody. I made a quick decision based on being in love with someone, and it's just another regret I will have to live with for the rest of my life, which will likely be far longer than need be.

All around fail.

I don't regret giving it up for him, nor do I blame him. Just another pothole in the road of my life, hahahaha.

Whatever, fuck it.

It's been a hell of a weekend so far.

Friday was okay for the most part. Spent a good amount of hours gaming, watched a couple of movies....typical stuff, ya know? Hit a bump in the road in the midst of all that, which of course has made it so I'm all out of sorts again. Doing my best to work around it but seem to be failing. Oh well *shrugs*.

Saturday pretended like it was gonna be an okay day, but it was just kidding. Felt like total shit and skipped school that morning because of it. Slept as much as I could then got up and went to work. Unfortunately, can't skip that if you are sick. Appealing, right? People can't call out sick now without having a doctor's note to come back with. Never mind that you barely have enough money to pay your rent and bills, let alone anything else. You think us lowly fast food workers can afford health insurance?? PFFFFFFTT!!! How do you think these places keep themselves in managers even though they don't usually pay very well? It's all about the health insurance that comes with the position.

Screw that, I will continue to go to work sick/injured before I'll do management again...that's part of the reason I'm going to school. So I don't have to do that shit anymore. But I digress.

Got to work, found out yet another person got fired. No big deal, it's not like she really worked when she was there anyway. She made it a week and a half. Found out I was taking orders for drive-thru that night, massive fail to start off the night. Slow customer day so it wasn't all that bad as it turns out. Trying to help the new guy later in the night by pulling out his oven racks he forgot, managed to burn my right arm in 4 different places, so now my arm is a hot mess. Nice.

So I just figure I will make myself feel better by spending the night on GW, knowing I didn't have to get up in the morning or go to work and could spend all day today doing the same. Didn't quite work out the way I had planned.

Fuck.

While I was getting set up for my mega gaming marathon, I noticed my mouse wasn't working. So I shut down my computer, unplug/plug it back in, and restart. Problem is, it doesn't want to restart now. Keeps telling me it's not receiving a video signal and refuses to restart from the prompt screen, no matter how much I scream at it.

Fuck.

So I decided the hell with it and just went to sleep about 4 hours earlier than originally intended. Talk about lame. Woke up this morning and tried everything I could think of to get this damn thing going again, but it was a no go. So I said screw it and ran the system recovery, which of course fixed whatever the problem was, but also erased everything I had in my PC at the time. I have everything saved on various memory sticks and such, but some of those are in Cali, so I will have to pick them up or send for them to have everything back in my computer. That also means all my music I had stored in here is gone, again. Something else that I will have to redo now, but also requires Cali involvement. *sigh*

So within the next few months my computer should be back to normal, but as long as I can log into GW, it's honestly the only thing I care about. It's the only thing I have left that makes me truly happy.

Sad, eh? Maybe to you, but not to me.