GIRL SECRETS!!!!! ;-)
This is a guide, maybe with a bit more honesty than most guys are gonna be able to handle. It will start off mildly, but then it will get a bit more "detailed" toward the end. I will be collaborating with several other girls on this, so this is NOT just coming from me, it IS a "girl" group effort.
You "guys" want to really know what is going through our heads? Well, I'll give you quite a bit of it, but you will NEVER get all of it.
Even the nicest girl ain't that nice....
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!
...and so it begins...
This one I gave you already, Dora, but I feel I should share it with the other boys too.
1) When having a conversation with one of us girls, we don't really think that you're paying that much attention, and we honestly don't care. We do, however, appreciate those that make the effort to seem like they are. It helps tremendously if you don't make it that damn obvious that you are staring at our boobs. I mean, if you're just that short, that's different. It's not that it bothers us, it doesn't....not even a little bit. All we want is for you to PRETEND that you aren't.
Besides...you think we aren't checking things out ourselves?? We're just better at hiding it. Yeah, we already checked your package before you even looked at our tits the first time, believe it. Also, believe we have totally checked out your ass too, whilst you were walking away.
Another little piece of advice for ya....if you are gonna check out other girls, don't do it when you're with your girl. That is just stupid, disrespectful, and a guarantee that you aren't gonna get any for a while. 'Cause if you were with that girl you were just staring at looking at one of us, the consequence would be exactly the same.
2) This one I love sharing. We know you boys are always talking some perverted shit about us girls, like the things you would do if you got the chance, the things you'd love to try, etc. Well, guess what??
So are we!!!! We are WAY worse than you guys, we just chatter amongst ourselves, not all out loud to everyone like you boys do. Well....that's not entirely true. Kat, Susie, Chelsey and I are pretty vocal about that stuff, and are pretty good at making our guy friends blush. Most girls will keep it to themselves though. The most common theme, by the way, is the fact that you couldn't even handle us!!! More on that in a bit.....3) DON'T pretend to be something or someone you are not. We fucking hate that shit. No relationship will ever work based on lies, I promise. Don't act like you like the same shit we do, if you don't. Besides, it will end up biting you in the ass eventually, especially if that thing you're trying to have in common 'cause "your girl really likes it" is something you actually hate and despise. Then you'll be expected to do or enjoy said thing with your girl ALL THE TIME, and if you try to say later you really don't like it, you get busted for lying and pretending you did, and you just wasted a lot of time doing something you hated.
Was it worth it?? Doubt it. And guess what? We wouldn't do it for you...
4) Please....be the man in the relationship. Granted, there are definitely a contingent of girls that like to be in charge of everything, but those are usually the girls you don't want to have a relationship with anyways. Unless you are a lazy fuck, in which case, you are on your own. MOST of us girls want to be the female in the relationship, and the more time goes on, and the more you let us basically get away with anything AND boss you around....well boys, that is just the beginning of the end. If we wanted to be the dude in the relationship....
...we'd be lesbians.
Admittedly, there are times when we do like to be in control of things, but that is usually in the matter of sex, and we aren't there yet....
I can say this though....if you are with a girl that you are already dating, or that you know wants to date or be with you, there are certain things that we don't expect you to ask permission to do. For example, don't ask things like, "can I kiss you?" or "can I touch your boob?", 'cause OMFG, you just totally killed the mood, AND now we believe you have a vagina.
5) Speaking of asking things....you know which one really annoys us to no end????
"What's wrong? Are you okay? Are you sure?" Only girls do that, and when boys do it, it is THE biggest turn off ever, and we lose interest really quickly after that. What are you, my mother???
I don't even like my mom, so I certainly don't want to hear that shit, and none of the other girls do either....
I'm not saying not to care, but just asking once is sufficient. We will tell you when we are damn good and ready. Anything more than that, I guarantee, we are just gonna get annoyed, and you aren't getting anything from us anytime soon.
6) We do like to be told we're pretty and all that, but don't lie about it. If we just rolled out of bed, and look like hell, we know it. Don't lie, we hate that shit. If we are going out together somewhere, and we are wearing something we shouldn't, and you know it, tell us before we walk out the door. If we figure it out when it's too late for us to go back and do something about it, we will be taking it out on you later. It doesn't matter if technically it's not your fault, we will still blame you, because you are supposed to be our counterpart, and if we look like shit, we think that means you aren't paying attention to us, which makes us even more mad. So, if I "look fat in those jeans", you better fucking tell me.
7) This one is very important, so pay attention. Do NOT EVER compare us to any of your ex-girlfriend's, some other girl you like, or your mom....
....unless you are trying to be single again.
We are not that girl, and if you're so fascinated with that bitch still, then go be with her. And any comparisons made between your girl and your mom is just damn creepy. When with a girl, she deserves a clean slate of her own. Sorry if you have been fucked over by 8 other girls, that doesn't mean we should be lumped in with them and their bullshit.
I am not that girl, I am me. Remember that.
Warning!!!! This part of the post will be graphic, so if you can't hang with that, NOW is the time to bail....
I will start by saying this, Dora. If you weren't more mature than most of the guys I know that are twice your age, I wouldn't be including this part. But ya are, and I don't want you with some stupid ass bitch, so I will include it.
As I said before, us girls are just as sexual as you boys, maybe even more so in some cases. We do have a few rules, so pay attention....
1) We all have those days when we are just so damn horny we can barely stand it...boys and girls, okay? But.....and this is of course under the assumption you are either sleeping over, or living with said girl....
We do not want to wake up and catching you whacking it. Really? You couldn't get up and go to the bathroom or something? Now don't get me wrong...it doesn't bother us that you do it. Hell, most of us like to watch....
...didn't see that coming, did ya????
...but it's just kinda creepy waking up and catching you doing it. On that note...
2) There will be days when you wake up, we are still sleeping, and yet the overwhelming urge to jump us is just there.
Wake us up, would ya? We don't even have to be all the way awake, barely conscious is acceptable, but we appreciate the warning we are about to be molested. Unless you want to run the risk of damage, a warning is appropriate.
3) Girls are pretty damn open to suggestion, probably more than ya think. Remember, it's always okay to ask, what's the worst that can happen? We say no? Big deal!!! For the very few no's that you'll get, you will probably get dozens of yes's or "why not?".
This kinda plays back into that whole "who's in charge" thing. For the most part, we just want you to do, not ask. If we don't like what you're doing, we will tell you. You boys can be rough without actually hurting us, we love having our hair pulled while we are "doing it", etc. Like I said, if we don't like it, we will tell you. That being said, there are a few big no-no's. I will give you one, from one of my girls, but I ain't tellin' ya which one told me to put this...."Do NOT ask us to blow you when you are on the fucking toilet, it ain't gonna happen!!!!" Yes, guys do ask for that.....DUMB boys, that is.
4) This one is very important, so definitely pay attention!!!! 99% of the time, the size of your dick does not matter!!!!!
I put 99% of the time, 'cause there is always at least one exception....like Kyle. (Score one for my Kat XD)
ANYHOW, it doesn't matter. Seriously. If you are with someone you care about, or you just know how to own it, it all works out. The only girls that really care about that shit are the loose bitches that are all fucked out 'cause they sleep with anyone, and it's the only thing that works for them anymore. It may sound a little mean, but it's true. Just because we are able to pass a child, doesn't mean that anything will just fit there. Understand?
5) We do not care if you bust first. We don't as long as you at least attempt to help us out in that department as well. Don't just roll over and go to sleep 'cause you're done. That will cut down on us giving it to you whenever you want. Which leads to....
6) Don't expect to get it whenever the hell YOU want it. We are pretty accommodating about it, but sometimes we just don't feel like it. Doesn't mean you're never gonna get it again, so stop being a fucking baby about it. That makes us just wanna hold out on you, even if we want to do it worse than you do at the moment. One of the other girls says....
"Do not expect us to give you sex 24/7....unless you get us something pretty. That offer only has a week warranty though."
Girls are stubborn bitches about that shit.
OOOOHHHHHHHH.....can't believe I almost forgot this one!!!!
7) After an argument or fight.....chocolate and flowers are a nice gesture, but....
....make up sex is WAY fucking better!!!!
8) Hygiene is important. VERY important. We only want our boys to be sweaty if we are in the process of fucking you. AND if you expect to be blown on a regular basis, then a little maintenance is appreciated. It works both ways, ya know.
Okay, I will give you one more, and probably the most important one of all, as far as I'm concerned....
9) Don't cheat. It's never okay, and if it's something you are ever seriously considering doing, you need to break up with the person you are with, because it's obviously not working out. Even if the girl cheats on you first, it's not okay. If you do it for that reason, you are just as bad, and bringing yourself down to their level, and it's not worth it.
Don't think we won't find out either. We always know when our man has been somewhere he shouldn't have, and only the stupidest of girls would tolerate it.
Well Dora, I think that should have you pretty set up. You and any other boy who reads this. If it doesn't, well, that means there is probably some girl there who's boobs are more important than what you are reading. :)
One last piece of advice for everyone out there reading this....
No love without the glove....
You can't get rid of anything you catch anymore, and you don't know where some girls have been. There are a few of us nice girls left, but not many, so be damn careful. ;-)
