More examples of my twisted sense of humor :)

If you know me at all, you know how much I LOVE "Star Wars". If you've been even an occasional visitor to this blog, you will also know how much I LOVE "Robot Chicken". That being said...

Boba's back!

Going Out Like A Punk

Take Your Daughter To Work Day

Little Mean Pepper Shaker

Jar-Jar for Gecko Insurance

XD

People continue to astound me. The contradictory ways of us all is quite something to behold. We all exist on the same plane, more or less, and the differences always amaze and surprise me, though they shouldn't by this point.

I fucking hate people.

People laugh when they hear me say that, I don't think they realize how serious I really am when I say it. I think for the most part, people, myself included, are fucked in the head. Don't get me wrong, there are nice people, truly warm and kind people that exist, I know it.

There are just so damn few of them left though, it's really very sad.

Like, most of my friends I consider to be some of the kindest people I know. A few of them have gotten their honorable mentions on this very blog, and will again at some point or another in the future I'm sure.

That's the reason I sometimes wonder why they are friends with me.

Yeah, I can be quite a bitch, I'll be the first to admit it. I'm really a fairly quiet person, but if pushed, the bitch part comes out very quickly and harshly. I can usually hold my annoyance in, but if pushed hard enough...

....it's advisable to step at least 20 feet back from my general direction...

Kat could tell you about the time Brandon had to, as to keep his head attached to his shoulders, and not crammed up his ass.

Like people who think they can talk to me any damn way they please while I'm at work, and think they will get away with it.

Mistake...not gonna happen, I promise.

Someone found that out tonight, to the amusement of my fellow employees and my manager. They think I'm slightly crazy, but they love it. They are silly that way.

The fact that it is a mere 2 days from Christmas does not help matters, or peoples' general attitude. Just because you were stupid, and waited until the last couple of days before THE day, doesn't mean come and take it out on us.

Not our problem.

I can't wait for Christmas to be fucking over, it's basically such a fucked holiday as far as I'm concerned. Ridiculously commercial, people getting beat up, killed, etc., all in the pursuit of the "perfect gift" for someone that is likely to not appreciate it anyway, and wishing that you gave them the receipt so they could take it back to the store and get something they actually wanted.

I always tell people not to bother for me, because I gift whenever I feel the need, rarely at Christmas. I'm more of a "just because" kind of giver. If I see something I know one of my friends would love, I get it for them. No need for occasion as far as I'm concerned. Fuck all that noise, or as I like to say...

"...bullshit on that."

Only one person is getting gifts from me this year, and that's because she is too damn adorable to deny Christmas. There is a very sweet little princess in Toronto who I love to spoil, and for some reason adores me, even if I don't give her anything.

Go figure.

To those of you who still like, or even love Christmas, I do hope you have a good one. Just 'cause I don't like it, doesn't mean you shouldn't.

As for me, I will be doing on Christmas what makes me happy...logging into my game, and spending hour upon hour playin'. That is my idea of a happy holiday.

Merry Christmas everybody...

More of my randomness at its best

Yeah, well, its been a couple of weeks, but I've been busy. Fostering my video game addiction, because it keeps my mind occupied.

It's what I need at the time, what can I say?

As always though, there are a million thoughts going through my head. My brain is in constant overdrive, something that has always been. To my own detriment, as far as I'm concerned.

One lesson I have learned well over this last year...keep your friends close, and your enemies closer...always. Just because I'm being quiet doesn't mean I'm not paying attention. Trust me, I learned long ago how to play the game better than you.

You can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends, and they can be your true family. I don't pick my friends by their age, race, or anything like that. They just kind of happen, usually suddenly. My closest friends have happened pretty instantly. The 'friendships' I have to put actual work into are usually the ones that end up being false. Funny, eh?

I don't use the "friend" tag lightly either. You are either my best friend, or merely an acquaintance. Just the way it works for me.

After all, I'm not the easiest person to be friends with in the first place. I'm usually pretty difficult to keep track of, but it's not because I don't care. It's just because I don't want to be the cause of any hurt, and there is a lot more dark in me than light. I guarantee it will always be that way, and my true friends know that, and deal with it the best they can.

I know it makes you sad sometimes, and for that, I'm truly sorry...

It's why my friends are my family though...they are with me no matter what.

It's almost Christmas time, and I'm glad....because then it will be over. I hate the fucking holidays with a passion. Just a couple more weeks, and the bullshit is over. Some of the other holidays after the new year, I will thankfully miss, because I will be in basic training...another finally.

I wish I was in Washington, and not in California. This place sucks ass. Shut up Dan...you know the only reason I came here was because I promised my grandma I would.

It's 1 am here now...and 3am somewhere else in the world. Which means it's about time for me to go hang out with one my best friends who always makes me smile.

That also makes me think of the best of all my friends, whose smile makes my heart skip, and makes it break all at the same time...

I also think of yet another friend, who always goes out of her way to remind me that I am loved, no matter what I think otherwise.

And of my other friends, who are newer to my life, who are still adjusting to being in my life, and still getting used to wandering through the dark part of it. I wish sometimes I could help them understand it better, but I have yet to figure out how...

I myself am astounded by how many people have told me I'm going to be missed when I leave for the Army. It's nice to know they care, but I'm still surprised by it.

Maybe next year will be better, maybe it won't. I'm fairly indifferent to it either way.

Hope doesn't exist in the dictionary of my life. Only existence does.

I haven't written much lately, mostly due to a very busy schedule. Getting ready to leave for basic training takes up a lot of time. I was hoping to be gone by now, but with the military, there is a lot of "hurry up and wait". So here I sit...

...waiting.

Many things have changed for me in the last year, and some of you have borne witness to that, via this blog. Some things shared were very difficult, yet at the same time, have been equivalent to a cleansing of sorts.

Why does love have to hurt so fucking bad? ...meh..

Why are the few people I love most always the first to exit my life?

Guess it's just the way it goes, huh?

...and so it goes.

I am more anxious to begin my time in the military than ever before. It will take me away from the things I would rather not deal with or think about. With every passing day, I am more and more tempted to return to my world of solitude, and just say "fuck it" altogether.

My life just seems to be easier that way. Loneliness has never been an issue.

As a matter of fact, it's a preference.

Here I sit, just continuing to pass time, with nothing I really care to look forward to. As is my life.

Here I sit...taking up space.

Here I sit...wishing I just wasn't.

Here I sit...knowing I have served any purpose I was meant to, and knowing I don't have another.

And I will continue to sit here, on my own, trying to smile, but unable....

...pretending to be okay, but far from it.

Just sitting....never standing.

For "Eh cue" :)

Sometimes, I wonder if maybe something is wrong with me...

...besides the obvious brain damage my friends know me for...lol

I have this 'thing', you see...

This thing that makes me give a shit more about the people that are important to me than about myself. Not that it bothers me, but it tends to bother others sometimes. Mostly because I let myself get fucked over in the process.

As is my life...

Like a friend I was having a conversation with today. I won't get into too many particulars, as it was a private conversation, and none of your business. Let's just suffice it to say that this particular friend is dealing with the issue of being in love for the first time. I spent a good deal of time trying to cheer them up, and just basically did my best to talk them through a bad day.

I hope I did okay.

None of us really knows when or where or IF it is ever gonna happen. Love, that is. Even if it does, it comes with no guarantee. Having a few years on my friend, I have dealt with this on a few different levels up to this point in my life. I regret none of it, but definitely identify with what they are dealing with right now.

Where as the other party in 'their' case has no clue as to the feelings held, the best thing I could really say to that was it can be a lot harder when they do know. Sometimes the other party can even go as far as abusing and taking advantage of the fact they know you feel that way about them.

I hope you never have to deal with that. I've been lucky in that myself, but I've seen other friends go through that, and it's very painful to watch.

For the majority of the human race, love is a big fat pain in the ass. I think I may have mentioned that once before, but I don't remember, and don't really feel like looking back to see.

If I knew then what I know now...would I take any of it back, regret or no?

Well, in all cases except one...yup, I sure would.

It's different for everyone, definitely. Most people don't think about it the same way I do, and shouldn't. I really don't trust people, and have no need to meet anybody new. Besides, I'm comfortable enough with myself to know that I would rather spend the rest of my time on earth alone than settle for someone I didn't really love just to not be by myself...

...bullshit on that.

For better or worse Cookie, it's gonna work out the way it is meant to. As much as I know it hurts now, it's just gonna make you stronger, no matter what the outcome.

So smile, damn you, so I don't have to tackle YOU... :)

Any asshole can make a child, it doesn't make them a parent

The people that know me well know how I feel about my parents. For those that don't that well, and haven't read any of my older posts, I will save you the trouble...

I don't like them.

Mostly due to the fact that they have never been parents. To me, or the rest of my brothers and sisters. Tonight just reiterated that fact once again.

I had just sat down in my room to eat my dinner, when my mobile rings...

..fuck.

'Cause it was my 'father', and no one can piss me off faster than he can. Well, that's not exactly true, my 'mother' can, but I don't talk to that bitch, haven't for about 14 years, and I intend to keep that number rising.

Anyhow, it's not the fact that he called me, it was the reason.

"You know it's your brother Martin's birthday today." Sometimes, it's really difficult for me not to sound annoyed, and I must say I did a monumentally good job of hiding my annoyance today. I'm very proud of myself for that, not really sure why.

All I said was, "...okay.." To which I got...

"I don't remember what year he was born, do you?"

FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!

The fucking two of you, I swear. You can make them well enough, but taking care of any of them is a hell of a feat isn't it?????????

Let me give you a bit of background of WHY I'm so upset about all this.

When I was 12, my father's second wife accused him of molesting my brother Martin, who at that time was 2, and my sister Ophelia, who was 5. Now keep in mind their was medical proof that nothing like that had happened, but at that time, her word was enough to make it go to court. My mother being the attention whore she was, and is, decided to tell the court that he had done the same to me when they were still married. While that had happened to me when I was younger, my father was NOT the one who did it. They took my mother at word as well, so I was dragged to court, psychologists, police departments, lawyers, etc. for about a year dealing with this bullshit.

This is where it gets really interesting...

At the end of all this, or I should say what brought it to an end was...

Barbara (wife number 2) told the court that if he gave up all rights and visiting privileges to Martin and Ophelia right then, she would drop all the charges, and not take a penny from him for their care, she just wanted him away from the three of them.

If he could have signed those papers in blood to get them signed faster, he would have. He jumped on that deal so fast, it was disgusting.

I have seen neither Martin or Ophelia since that last day in court, now over 20 years. I will never forgive him for that...ever.

So don't call acting like you give a fuck now. You had your chance to be their father. If you cared, you would have fought to the death for those two. You don't even remember what year they were born. I do, but fuck if I'm gonna tell you.

I have a brother Robert who is 8 years old at present, another product of another relationship gone wrong, and another brother that I hardly know, thanks to my father's bullshit. Another child he doesn't help to take care of. A child who needs his father, because his mother is a psychotic retard.

Just another fantastic reason for me to be excited about joining the military and leaving this place....

I can stop supporting the father who never bothered to support me, in any way.

To my friends and family :)

You know how it is when you are waiting for something? Something you really want?

Time drags ass....

Waiting for things has never been one of my strong suits...

Probably because there is so very little in life that I ever want.

I have no issue with that, but like I said...when there is something I want, I fucking hate having to wait for it.

In case you're wondering what I'm babbling about, it's just that I am so damn close to leaving for basic training, yet it is still far enough away to annoy the piss out of me. It's literally just weeks, but for me, that is far too damn long. Mostly 'cause I was ready to go like YESTERDAY...oh, well....

I've gotten quite the mixed reaction to this whole thing. The couple of people who's opinion truly matters seem to be the ones who are having the most problem with this. A couple of my newer friends (like Dora) also seem to have issue with it, so it is basically a non-subject for now.

Guess what guys? It won't be a non-subject when I leave, because my absence will be a lot more noticeable then...

It's a little hard for me to understand a few of these reactions, but mostly because the people who are reacting haven't known me as long. The only one who can really bitch at me about it and get away with it is Dan, but that's because he knows my personal history better than anyone, save one person...

Well, I have been taking care of myself my whole life, so I think I can handle this decision on my own, thank you. I appreciate that some people are worried, and why, but I will say the same thing here as I have in person.

I run the same risk of injury and damage living here in Southern California as I do going anywhere else. As do any one of you, wherever you happen to be.

Remember all the times you said to me, at various times over the years, "you are too smart to be working at a place like this.."?

Bet you fuckers are regretting that shit now, ain't ya??

You are just gonna have to trust that I know what I'm doing, and that I will be okay.

Love you guys....

You know what annoys the hell out of me?? Being sick. It really is a waste of my fucking time. I have better things to do, you know? I seem to be getting over it now, though. Well, at least enough to get me running my normal schedule again tomorrow.

4 wasted days of my life I will never get back. Fuck....

The only thing that has made me happy in the last few days?

C'mon, where ya been?

"Heroes" was on last night.

Sylar is still the man, and just getting more awesome.....if that's even possible.

WTF with Niki/Jessica/Stacey.....really? How many are there? Seems we will find out soon, as it seems the girls were made, not born...

Matt's story line just got a million times more interesting...

Hiro and Ando still make me giggle....

Suresh is getting dumber...what the hell is wrong with that dude??

If one more person ends up being in the Petrelli family, I swear....so NOW Gabriel (Sylar), Peter, and Nathan are brothers, Claire is Nathan's daughter...for fucks sake....

H.R.G. is still a bad ass. There is no taking that man down.

I have to say I'm way more impressed with Elle, and I hope they do something interesting with her SOON....

Anyway, I'm done with that for now, it's time to get some sleep.. :)

For "Dora" :)

Well Dora, I figure this is the best way for me to go about giving you what you've been asking me for...

GIRL SECRETS!!!!! ;-)

This is a guide, maybe with a bit more honesty than most guys are gonna be able to handle. It will start off mildly, but then it will get a bit more "detailed" toward the end. I will be collaborating with several other girls on this, so this is NOT just coming from me, it IS a "girl" group effort.

You "guys" want to really know what is going through our heads? Well, I'll give you quite a bit of it, but you will NEVER get all of it.

Even the nicest girl ain't that nice....

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

...and so it begins...

This one I gave you already, Dora, but I feel I should share it with the other boys too.

1) When having a conversation with one of us girls, we don't really think that you're paying that much attention, and we honestly don't care. We do, however, appreciate those that make the effort to seem like they are. It helps tremendously if you don't make it that damn obvious that you are staring at our boobs. I mean, if you're just that short, that's different. It's not that it bothers us, it doesn't....not even a little bit. All we want is for you to PRETEND that you aren't.

Besides...you think we aren't checking things out ourselves?? We're just better at hiding it. Yeah, we already checked your package before you even looked at our tits the first time, believe it. Also, believe we have totally checked out your ass too, whilst you were walking away.

Another little piece of advice for ya....if you are gonna check out other girls, don't do it when you're with your girl. That is just stupid, disrespectful, and a guarantee that you aren't gonna get any for a while. 'Cause if you were with that girl you were just staring at looking at one of us, the consequence would be exactly the same.

2) This one I love sharing. We know you boys are always talking some perverted shit about us girls, like the things you would do if you got the chance, the things you'd love to try, etc. Well, guess what??

So are we!!!! We are WAY worse than you guys, we just chatter amongst ourselves, not all out loud to everyone like you boys do. Well....that's not entirely true. Kat, Susie, Chelsey and I are pretty vocal about that stuff, and are pretty good at making our guy friends blush. Most girls will keep it to themselves though. The most common theme, by the way, is the fact that you couldn't even handle us!!! More on that in a bit.....

3) DON'T pretend to be something or someone you are not. We fucking hate that shit. No relationship will ever work based on lies, I promise. Don't act like you like the same shit we do, if you don't. Besides, it will end up biting you in the ass eventually, especially if that thing you're trying to have in common 'cause "your girl really likes it" is something you actually hate and despise. Then you'll be expected to do or enjoy said thing with your girl ALL THE TIME, and if you try to say later you really don't like it, you get busted for lying and pretending you did, and you just wasted a lot of time doing something you hated.

Was it worth it?? Doubt it. And guess what? We wouldn't do it for you...


4) Please....be the man in the relationship. Granted, there are definitely a contingent of girls that like to be in charge of everything, but those are usually the girls you don't want to have a relationship with anyways. Unless you are a lazy fuck, in which case, you are on your own. MOST of us girls want to be the female in the relationship, and the more time goes on, and the more you let us basically get away with anything AND boss you around....well boys, that is just the beginning of the end. If we wanted to be the dude in the relationship....

...we'd be lesbians.

Admittedly, there are times when we do like to be in control of things, but that is usually in the matter of sex, and we aren't there yet....

I can say this though....if you are with a girl that you are already dating, or that you know wants to date or be with you, there are certain things that we don't expect you to ask permission to do. For example, don't ask things like, "can I kiss you?" or "can I touch your boob?", 'cause OMFG, you just totally killed the mood, AND now we believe you have a vagina.

5) Speaking of asking things....you know which one really annoys us to no end????

"What's wrong? Are you okay? Are you sure?" Only girls do that, and when boys do it, it is THE biggest turn off ever, and we lose interest really quickly after that. What are you, my mother???

I don't even like my mom, so I certainly don't want to hear that shit, and none of the other girls do either....

I'm not saying not to care, but just asking once is sufficient. We will tell you when we are damn good and ready. Anything more than that, I guarantee, we are just gonna get annoyed, and you aren't getting anything from us anytime soon.

6) We do like to be told we're pretty and all that, but don't lie about it. If we just rolled out of bed, and look like hell, we know it. Don't lie, we hate that shit. If we are going out together somewhere, and we are wearing something we shouldn't, and you know it, tell us before we walk out the door. If we figure it out when it's too late for us to go back and do something about it, we will be taking it out on you later. It doesn't matter if technically it's not your fault, we will still blame you, because you are supposed to be our counterpart, and if we look like shit, we think that means you aren't paying attention to us, which makes us even more mad. So, if I "look fat in those jeans", you better fucking tell me.

7) This one is very important, so pay attention. Do NOT EVER compare us to any of your ex-girlfriend's, some other girl you like, or your mom....

....unless you are trying to be single again.

We are not that girl, and if you're so fascinated with that bitch still, then go be with her. And any comparisons made between your girl and your mom is just damn creepy. When with a girl, she deserves a clean slate of her own. Sorry if you have been fucked over by 8 other girls, that doesn't mean we should be lumped in with them and their bullshit.

I am not that girl, I am me. Remember that.

Warning!!!! This part of the post will be graphic, so if you can't hang with that, NOW is the time to bail....

I will start by saying this, Dora. If you weren't more mature than most of the guys I know that are twice your age, I wouldn't be including this part. But ya are, and I don't want you with some stupid ass bitch, so I will include it.

As I said before, us girls are just as sexual as you boys, maybe even more so in some cases. We do have a few rules, so pay attention....

1) We all have those days when we are just so damn horny we can barely stand it...boys and girls, okay? But.....and this is of course under the assumption you are either sleeping over, or living with said girl....

We do not want to wake up and catching you whacking it. Really? You couldn't get up and go to the bathroom or something? Now don't get me wrong...it doesn't bother us that you do it. Hell, most of us like to watch....

...didn't see that coming, did ya????

...but it's just kinda creepy waking up and catching you doing it. On that note...

2) There will be days when you wake up, we are still sleeping, and yet the overwhelming urge to jump us is just there.

Wake us up, would ya? We don't even have to be all the way awake, barely conscious is acceptable, but we appreciate the warning we are about to be molested. Unless you want to run the risk of damage, a warning is appropriate.

3) Girls are pretty damn open to suggestion, probably more than ya think. Remember, it's always okay to ask, what's the worst that can happen? We say no? Big deal!!! For the very few no's that you'll get, you will probably get dozens of yes's or "why not?".

This kinda plays back into that whole "who's in charge" thing. For the most part, we just want you to do, not ask. If we don't like what you're doing, we will tell you. You boys can be rough without actually hurting us, we love having our hair pulled while we are "doing it", etc. Like I said, if we don't like it, we will tell you. That being said, there are a few big no-no's. I will give you one, from one of my girls, but I ain't tellin' ya which one told me to put this....

"Do NOT ask us to blow you when you are on the fucking toilet, it ain't gonna happen!!!!" Yes, guys do ask for that.....DUMB boys, that is.

4) This one is very important, so definitely pay attention!!!! 99% of the time, the size of your dick does not matter!!!!!

I put 99% of the time, 'cause there is always at least one exception....like Kyle. (Score one for my Kat XD)

ANYHOW, it doesn't matter. Seriously. If you are with someone you care about, or you just know how to own it, it all works out. The only girls that really care about that shit are the loose bitches that are all fucked out 'cause they sleep with anyone, and it's the only thing that works for them anymore. It may sound a little mean, but it's true. Just because we are able to pass a child, doesn't mean that anything will just fit there. Understand?

5) We do not care if you bust first. We don't as long as you at least attempt to help us out in that department as well. Don't just roll over and go to sleep 'cause you're done. That will cut down on us giving it to you whenever you want. Which leads to....

6) Don't expect to get it whenever the hell YOU want it. We are pretty accommodating about it, but sometimes we just don't feel like it. Doesn't mean you're never gonna get it again, so stop being a fucking baby about it. That makes us just wanna hold out on you, even if we want to do it worse than you do at the moment. One of the other girls says....

"Do not expect us to give you sex 24/7....unless you get us something pretty. That offer only has a week warranty though."

Girls are stubborn bitches about that shit.

OOOOHHHHHHHH.....can't believe I almost forgot this one!!!!

7) After an argument or fight.....chocolate and flowers are a nice gesture, but....

....make up sex is WAY fucking better!!!!

8) Hygiene is important. VERY important. We only want our boys to be sweaty if we are in the process of fucking you. AND if you expect to be blown on a regular basis, then a little maintenance is appreciated. It works both ways, ya know.

Okay, I will give you one more, and probably the most important one of all, as far as I'm concerned....

9) Don't cheat. It's never okay, and if it's something you are ever seriously considering doing, you need to break up with the person you are with, because it's obviously not working out. Even if the girl cheats on you first, it's not okay. If you do it for that reason, you are just as bad, and bringing yourself down to their level, and it's not worth it.

Don't think we won't find out either. We always know when our man has been somewhere he shouldn't have, and only the stupidest of girls would tolerate it.

Well Dora, I think that should have you pretty set up. You and any other boy who reads this. If it doesn't, well, that means there is probably some girl there who's boobs are more important than what you are reading. :)

One last piece of advice for everyone out there reading this....

No love without the glove....

You can't get rid of anything you catch anymore, and you don't know where some girls have been. There are a few of us nice girls left, but not many, so be damn careful. ;-)

I was so NOT disappointed!!!!

When you put time into certain things, you hate when they get ruined for whatever reason. Especially the few TV shows I bother watching.

I'm VERY happy to say, my show is only getting fucking BETTER!!!!

As you saw from the previous post, I was very excited about the fact that my favorite TV show EVER started again on Monday.

It was better than I could have ever hoped for.

I will be writing a longer post about it tomorrow, because it is going to be ridiculously long and detailed, full of spoilers, comments, and predictions. Hell, and why not? Pictures too....

Not only was Monday's episode great, I got 2 episodes in a row!!!

Plus, since G4 is on my favorite channel list, I watched both episodes again on Tuesday AND Wednesday.

I couldn't be more of a nerd if I tried. :)

It's almost time!!

OMFG. I'm so excited, I can barely damn stand it!!

On Monday, my show is back on...

"Heroes" season 3 starts Monday night!!!

I don't care if you watch it or not. This is my blog, and this is my very sweet way of telling you that while I'm still home, between 8:59 pm and 10:01 pm, I am completely unavailable. For anything.

Tomorrow, while I'm playing GW, I will be re watching season 1, and on Sunday, season 2, just to make sure I haven't forgotten anything.

...I am such a nerd.

Yeah, I know it's been awhile. What can I say, I've been a little busy. I have been spending all my time getting ready to make my move from civilian to military, and I'm very happy about the progress I'm making. I can say, I haven't been this excited about anything in a very long time. There's only one other thing, but that's really none of your fucking business, eh?

So I spend a minimum of 3 hours a day working out, and it's nowhere near as hard as I thought it would be when I started last week. The fact that I've been able to survive it with no problems, I've surprised no one more than myself. Probably due to the fact that I've dedicated the last decade of my life to not much more than playing video games and smoking weed. The video games, well, I have no intention of ever giving those up.....EVER...but the weed, bye-bye.lol

When I'm working out at the gym, the most random thoughts tend to pop into my head. For example, why do those two girls come in and work out in their jeans? All the time. You're not at the club, stupid. Oh, and by the way, you should probably tell your son to take the lollipop out of his mouth while he's on the treadmill, 'cause if he falls, it's pretty likely that he could choke on the fucking thing. Seriously.

Or like the fact that oddly enough, I'm a little uncomfortable with the fact that I'm not fat anymore. Why, you may ask? Well, mostly due to the fact that people pay more attention to the way I look now. I've never been too comfortable with anyone paying attention to me, and I don't imagine that will change anytime soon. My friends, I'm okay with it. Everyone else needs to not bother me. lol

I plan on writing a lot more now, even though there will be that period when I'm not writing, because I will be in boot camp, and my mobile and my computer will be checked in when I get there, and I will not get it back until I am out of basic, 10 weeks. I can take a couple of notebooks though, so I can keep a journal when I'm there, and add it on later.

Now I have to go to bed, cause I'm fucking exhausted, and my body hates me now, due to my refusal to be a fat ass anymore. ;-)

..and so here it is.

Death is a strange thing. Well, maybe not in itself, but the way people react to it would be a more accurate statement. It can bring either the best or worst in people.

It can also get one thinking about their own life.

To be honest, those that know me know that I have never held much stock in my own life. I have my reasons, reasons that are known to the people who need to know.

I'm not close to that many people. Those I was closest to, with the exception of one (well,to be fair, one and a half..), are all gone now, with the passing of my great-grandmother.

4 years ago, I lost my grandfather. It was a very difficult situation, watching someone go to 100% healthy to passing away in 10 months time. He had a rare form of cancer, mesothelioma, which basically sits dormant for years, and isn't diagnosed until its beyond treatment. It was a very painful loss for me, and can still bring me to tears even these years later, at the slightest fond memory or reminder of him.

2 years ago, I lost my grandmother, Carol, who coincidentally never got anywhere near over the loss of her husband two years earlier. They had been together since high school, almost 60 years, so you can understand why. It was basically the equivalent of a horrible waiting game, watching her deteriorate. I was fortunate enough to spend a week with her, shortly before she passed. It was a week of traveling from hospital to hospital, accompanying her to dialysis, so on and so forth. Needless to say, she was just over it. Less than a week after I last saw her, she was gone. This was like losing my mother, as she is the closest thing I had to one.

8 months after that, I lost my other grandmother, my mother's mom. I loved her very much, as was very sad to lose her. At the same time, there was a degree of relief for her, because she had been sick for as long as I could remember. I hated that she had to suffer with it, and am infinitely grateful to my aunt Estelle for taking care of her.

That should catch us up now, right?

Yes.

I've spent the last week, just being home, thinking about things like the no-direction route my life is trying to continue taking. Or the fact that I have friends almost half my age asking me the same question the friends I've had for years are constantly asking me...

"Why the hell are you wasting your time working at these shit jobs? You are way too smart for this shit."

Yeah, I fucking know that.

Thing is, if you know me, you know I go out of my way to live my life as simply as possible, and I'm pretty damn good at it.

It's kinda boring though.

Plus, you gotta keep having jobs at restaurants, gas stations, etc. Also boring, and way too much drama.

I'm so over it.

So I decided to fully pursue something that I have wanted to do since I was a teenager. Hell, it's something I literally trained to do all through high school.

As of this afternoon, I officially began the process to join the military, the U.S. Army to be exact.
To be fair, this will be a shock to some, but not to others. To save time, no, there will be NO talking me out of this. Unless they reject me, (VERY unlikely lol), it's a done deal. If you truly care about me, you will be part of my support system, otherwise....

...ssshhhhhhh.

The time frame they have me slated on right now is 6 weeks. Yes, just 6 weeks.

That's what happens when you score off the charts on the ASVAB...lol

They are practically falling over themselves to get me ready to go.

Losing all that weight really sped up this process.lol

I'm actually quite excited about the whole thing....well, except the fact that I will be mostly out of contact for the 9 weeks I'm at BCT. Pffft, you'll live.lol

Besides, if I take a notepad or so with me, I can still write, and transfer it all to this blog after graduation.

Did you ever have that dream, where you're drowning, and no matter what you do, you can't save yourself?

Or the one where you're running, and you just can't get away, and you never even see what it is you're running from, or what exactly catches you?

Do you know what it feels like when you feel all that emotionally, every day....when you are awake?

Today was a pretty fucked all the way around, and just went from shit to worse when I stepped through my front door after work tonight.

I knew it was coming.

I just didn't realize it was going to happen that fast.

"Your grandma passed away...."

...fuck.

Really, it was my great-grandmother. For all intents and purposes, she was more like my grandmother, as my grandparents were, for all intents and purposes, my parents.

Which is why losing her today is so devastating for me.

She didn't suffer, which I'm glad about. She had been pretty much just been drifting in and out of sleep, not eating since this past weekend. The few times she did wake up, and she could speak, she would just tell my aunt Virginia, "I'm so tired.", and would just go back to sleep.

She was doing just that when she went. We should all be so lucky as to go in our sleep like that.

Living for 98 years takes a lot out of a person.

We all believed we would have her around for at least 5 to 10 more years. Up until last Friday, her health and demeanor supported that theory.

Then just like that....

....one week later....

....she's gone.

So many things have been going through my head since I found out a few hours ago, the main thought being I wish I could have had one last chance to say goodbye.

I had a lot more that I wanted to say, but I just can't keep a straight thought in my head, so I'm finished. I'll end it the only way I can at this point.



.... :(

Yeah, well FUCK YOU TOO!!!!

Life is an interesting thing.

Today being a good example of that.

Today I discovered I once again misplaced my trust, and was reminded of why I don't bother trying to trust anyone new. I've spent the last two years having this person's back, only to have it rudely rebuffed with one action. I have literally put my life on hold, and given my all to pick her up when she has fallen, and to be her friend and support system whenever she needed me.

What a waste of time THAT was.

Well, fuck me for falling for this bullshit again.

NEVER again....

I have enough friends.

FINALLY!!!!!!!!

The transferring process is finally complete. Everything I needed to move from my old blog to this one is now here. It took way longer to get it taken care of than it should have, but at least I can take it off my list of things to do.

Fuck you psycho, now you have to go find a new hobby. Stalking me is no longer an option for you.

Even on the off chance you did find this blog, it wouldn't matter. You are a waste of time, for everyone involved.

Now let's see if I can get my shit together, and start maintaining this place again.

Damn I've been gone for a long time....

With good reason. Well, not really, it was just work.

I live there, you know.

So it seems most of the time.

Lots of things going on lately. So much so, that I seem to run out of time to do everything. I still have lots of things that need taking care of. Looking for an apartment, for example. Yes, I'm still doing that. In an interesting turn of events, I'm now moving to an undisclosed location within the next few months. Undisclosed to the general public, that is. The people that need to know where I'll be already do.

I also had something happen at work that, once again, reminds me of why I don't trust people.

Other than that sentence, not even worth mentioning....

Can you believe it's already almost September??

...which means my favorite holiday is coming up...

HALLOWEEN!!! :)

Now just the decision on where to spend it....

I think since I spent this 4th of July with my California friends (kinda, we worked...lol), I should go home and spend Halloween there....

*note to self* inform work you will NOT be there this Halloween....eat shit, PH!!!

Another interesting (to me) development is the progress of my weight loss. As of last week, I'm officially a size smaller than I was when I graduated high school. It's kind of interesting, to be honest. The reactions of people who have never seen me this small will be interesting, especially since I will be even smaller when they see me.

What else??......

Oh...

Guess what, joo?? This beaner has a license again!!!!lol That, and I inherited grandpa's car, and I'm buying my friend Ian's bus. Which I'm hoping to con, I mean pay, you and Ziggy to help me fix....

....you guys still work for beer and joe, right?

Anyhow, now that my boss is finally back to work, and I REFUSE to be responsible for that restaurant anymore, I will have a lot more free time on my hands.

Thank fucking goodness for that.

With the beginning of the new week, I have made my "to do" list.

...finally.

As one who depends on my organizational skills to do anything important, the list was important. With the fact that my boss is yet again going out on medical leave, the time at work is going to be a huge help in accomplishing my goal to leave California at the end of the summer.

I'm writing this because right now I'm in the middle of loading my music collection onto my other computer. For the transfer of information I'm doing right now, doing anything else on that computer is impossible. The delay is horrid.

Once I finally decide on an apartment, everything else will be nothin'.

Well shit...

I have honestly meant to put way more time into this whole thing than I have, but to no avail. I just have had no time. I always seem to have more going on than I ever intend to, so something is obviously gonna suffer. After a little investigating, I discovered it's been two weeks since I did anything here.

Fuck.

I'm still not done transferring stuff from the old blog, but I'm getting damn close. Thank goodness, it will be one less thing I have to worry about. Then there is the whole apartment search thing, which while can at times be kind of a pain, gives you a lot more options, so it's just a matter of deciding on where exactly I want it to be. I'm not horribly worried about it, as I'm not really that picky. If I have my stuff with me, I can be comfortable anywhere. Probably why I'm not comfortable here in California. Most of my stuff is still in Bellingham.

The countdown is on.

27 more days.

Yet another midnight movie

Yes....as usual...
...still awake.

Work was easy today, which in itself was a surprise. It still sucked, don't get me wrong. Very few people are lucky enough to love their job, so you take it all with a grain of salt. Anyway, I figured the best way to finish out the day is to do something fun, something you actually want to do.

So we did.

For those of you don't know yet, I work in a restaurant. A restaurant that sits smack in the middle of a shopping center. Directly behind us, there is a movie theatre. We have a new cook, named Rick. Rick's brother Sam....

....works at the movie theatre.

Two nights ago, Rick asked us if we'd be interested in going to the movies, after work, on Wednesday night.

"My brother invited us to a special showing on Wednesday. To see the first run of....'Dark Knight'. You interested?"

....DUH!!!!!

It's all we talked about all night, since the general public won't get first crack at it until the Thursday midnight show. Some theatres will run a show in the afternoon most likely, but that doesn't matter.

We still got to see it first!!!!!!!!!

....and it was everything you could have wanted it to be.

I'm going to give ZERO spoilers on this, it would just be wrong. All I will say is it makes me sad all over again that Heath Ledger passed away, and won't be reprising his role in the future.

He was absolutely brilliant.

I haven't done one of these in a long time...

As music has always been of the utmost importance to me, I always use it to describe my state of mind. That's why I have dozens of different burned discs, each of which I listen to depending on what I'm feeling that particular day.

This is today.


Only appropriate I start with my #1...


There are always songs you feel like you could have written yourself...lol


LMFAO...this is so ridiculously appropriate right now XD


All of it is, if you're catching the lyrics, and you know me lol


What I hope brings an end to a very long and exhausting week.

I really need to finish transferring my stuff out from my old blog to this one. Been really busy lately. My stalker, the primary reason I started this new blog, has been going full blown this past week. Mainly because I called her out. She has been fucking with my life for quite a while now, and this last week, and tomorrow, will put an end to all that. I'm considering even shutting down my myspace page, and rebuilding that as well, to ensure she stays away.

Yes, kids, she really is that nuts.

That's why I've been gone. I have been communicating with her through my old blog, and will put an end to it all there tomorrow.

There's something to be said for keeping a certain amount of anonymity when you spend any amount of time on the internet.

Not that it will kept from you for much longer. Most that have been here already have been led here by me, and I know she's not smart enough to find this, so I ain't worried.

30 days. That is the goal.

To be out of California.

I am SO over this fucking place.

I don't know, it's just not the same California I grew up in. The fact that being around too many people tends to make me anxious doesn't help.

Maybe its just the fact that even though it is steadily growing, Washington is still a lot more the pace I like to run at. That, and the fact that Bellingham is right next door to my other favorite place on earth, Vancouver, B.C. Ask any of my friends, they've never seen me more happy than when I'm there. I go out of my way to talk to and meet people (completely out of character for me), as everyone I've ever met has been great.

I guess I just miss what I consider "home".

So I'm going back, all obligations in California taken care of.

Except for one last trip to Six Flags!!

The transferring process is still going on, as you will notice. The only thing that's a little off is that I'm having to cut and paste the comments from the old blog into a new box on this one. The comments that were made, I wanted to keep with their original posts. It balances out.

Not for the last couple of days, though. Too busy hanging out with my friends. I don't have much longer to do that, so I'm taking advantage while I can. We hung out till 8am Sunday morning. Kat, Susie, and I went home to sleep. Well....Susie and I went home to sleep, anyway. Kat went home to sleep at noon. That's why she was late to work. Oh, and of course, our new addition to the group. Evan. He was hanging out with us in the early morning hours, because he just couldn't sleep. So we hung out, just talking and joking, waiting to get tired basically.

Know why he couldn't sleep?

















Evan and Nicole Gautier

He and Nicole got married on Sunday night. He was very happy and excited, it was very sweet.

I have a few other posts about what I've been up to lately, they should all be up by Wednesday, as that is my next day off. They are all in the process of being edited, and having pictures added, so it's a lot of work for someone who hasn't been doing this as regularly as she used to.

I'm so back into it though.

I don't even remember the last time I spent this much time outside. Willingly. I did have this day planned weeks ahead of time.

What I didn't plan on was the fact that it was gonna be so fucking hot outside today. Son of a fucking bitch.

The only reason I put myself through this shit, and even got up early to do it, was because I was going to the Warped tour show today at the Pomona Fairgrounds. Where it was 10 degrees hotter there than where we live Orange County. It was supposed to be Kat, Ian, Chelsey and I, but for reasons we still cannot fathom, her parents made 'family' plans on the same day, knowing full well she has had her tickets for weeks.

Kat was not a happy camper this morning.

The family she had to spend the day with don't even like her, so why they wanted to spend time with her, who knows.

So we texted back and forth with her for awhile, trying to soothe her anger a little. She had basically locked herself in her room by this point.

We were on our way by 9am, only half an hour after our intended start time. Pretty good I think for 3 people running on a collective 6 hours of sleep. Stopped for food, gas, to turn around when Ian realized we were traveling in the wrong direction. Got squared away there, made pretty good time, and arrived at around 10:30am.

Around this time, we get a text from Kat. To make up for the fact that they didn't let her go to Warped tour, her parents bought her tickets to see Disturbed. This made her very happy.

From there, to will call, because I don't trust the post office not to lose my fucking ticket. That took around 20 minutes. Then off to the real line. Great. That was a hike. Whatever, not like I haven't done this a million times before. Chelsey and Ian had not, so I felt a little bad for them. The fact that it was 104 degrees by 11:30 didn't help. We were in that line for a long damn time, or at least it seemed we were.

Because it was ridiculously fucking hot outside.

Did I mention that?

We did manage to keep ourselves amused though, so it was alright. What a relief it was to finally get in there. To the credit of the people running the Warped tour, they allowed people to bring their own water bottles in. They took everything else, the food, sodas and stuff like that, but bring all the water in with you that you want. That, and the fact they were selling it inside for $2, which is almost unheard of. The interesting thing about that is it took about 20 minutes for your water to get hot.

Not warm....hot.

Once inside, we did a lap around the place, so we could figure out where the various stages were located, so we would be able to do the least amount of walking possible. When we had that all figured out, we found a place to sit down. A table with a nice shady umbrella. Next to said table, Kroq (radio station in L.A.) had a small stage for themselves set up, where the were giving free mohawks. We tried to get Ian to do it, but no go. Dammit. What we did manage to accomplish was something that made Chelsey very happy...

















The interesting thing about this is the night before, Chelsey had mentioned how she wanted to "find a midget to walk on her back". This was in no way meant to be offensive. As you can see, Chelsey is little herself, anyone else walking on her back would probably crush it. Just so happens this guy works on the morning show at the radio station, and he was pretty stoked himself that Chelsey wanted the picture.

If she didn't love Ian, this would be Chelsey's new boyfriend...LOL

We sat a while longer, then went to see the first band, As I Lay Dying. Had heard of them, but not heard their music before. They were pretty good, but nothing I'd really go out of my way to get. Ian was holding Chelsey on his shoulders when it started, but it only lasted the first song. It was so hot he almost passed out while he was holding her. As you can see, she's not even that big. Just too much for anyone in that heat. We stayed for another song, then headed over to the next stage.

Perfect timing on the arrival, too, as the crowd was clearing from the last band. We got right up to the front, just a little to the left. I was damn excited too, as this was the band I had come to see. I got some kick ass pictures.

Wanna see?

This one is my favorite...

The band? Story of the Year. Live performances for bands make or break some of them in my book.

I love this band more than ever. They were awesome.

About halfway through the set, we had to bow out, as the heat and crowd were too much for our little Chelsey. Ian bought her some shorts, and she got changed, which helped. Then we went back and sat down close to the stage we had just come from. Story of the Year had just finished, and the band Ian wanted to see, Reliant K, was next. We waited.

While we waited, we came to a decision.

The decision to bail.

It was just too much for any of us anymore. The only other band that we really wanted to see was Pennywise, and they weren't playing until 7:30pm. None of us wanted to wait the 4+ hours. I'm lucky, I've already seen them. I told them not to worry, they are always playing shows.

Irrelevent at this point. We are leaving. I text Kat, and ask her if she thinks she can escape for a couple of hours. Why?

We've decided on the only possible course of action at this point.

We're going to the beach.

When Reliant K starts playing, it pretty much cements our decision.

Guys, you need a new sound person. Seriously.

Get back to Kat, and yes, her mom will be aiding in her escape from "the family". Told her we'd let her know when we were back in town, so we could meet up, and go in one car.

Driving back was way quicker, so we told her to meet us at work, because we were going to the one place we knew had an air conditioner.

When it's hot outside, we like going to work. Our restaurant's one redeeming quality is the air conditioner.

Had something to drink, bitched to everyone how hot is was there, but that it was still fun, and that we were headed off to the next place. Kat got there, then off to the beach.

One of Southern California's biggest draws has always heen our beaches. One of the very few things I love here. This was definitely the day to go.

































See what I mean? Huntington Beach. Still and always my favorite.

We spent a good couple of hours there, then we all just wanted to go home. Well, except for Kat.

She still had to have dinner with...."the family".

I would tell you all about it, but I'm gonna let Kat do that herself. She be added to the contributor list soon enough.

So Kat dropped us back at work, then Ian and Chelsey took me home. On the way, we stopped off to by some soda and snacks. We had obviously spent way too much time in the sun today. Anyone could tell by our various skin shades, in many hues of red. That, and the fact that our behavior could be described as nothing other than "delirious".

We were far too tired to cause any real trouble, so we got our shit and left. When I got dropped off, I took a shower, which I barely remember doing. The dog saw me come out of the bathroom, came running into my room, and within about 2 minutes we were both out cold.

I woke up about 4 hours later, and started working on this post.

















As you can clearly see, the dog decided against the whole waking up deal.

I was only awake for about 3 hours before I decided that sleep was a better option.

So ended my big day outside. Going to the beach on Monday, Venice this time.

I will let you know how that trip goes.

I haven't been here for the last couple of weeks because I have just been too damn busy. I'm really trying to put some genuine effort into this, I even did a lot of work on this today.

There is still so much to do though.

I've decided to just take my time about it, since this is where I'll be hanging out from now on.

I predict by next week, it will be like the old blog never existed.

That's how I want it.

Yet another untypical night

5am.

Just got home from work, but I wasn't working. Kat, Kyle, Derek, and myself were all just hanging out, bullshiting. None of us wanted to go home yet, and none of us have to get up in the morning, so we just stayed. We hang out at work, simply because we can be as loud as we want, late as we want. Well, as late as leaving before the first person gets there at 8am.

Anyway, we were sitting out on the front patio, and noticed a person across the street, shuffling their way in our general direction. Being as we are in a mini-mall type area, we do have a certain amount of homeless people around. We do know all of them though, as most of us go out of our way to make sure they are taken care of. We didn't recognize this person though, so we just kinda watched to see where they were going. Turns out it was a she, by the way, as we discovered very quickly in a disturbing kind of way.

Have you ever seen a horror movie, where you see something (zombie, or other such atrocity), shuffling in the direction of the intended victim, slow and steady at first, then all of a sudden...

HELLO!!!!!!!!! Thus creating a victim out of the dumbass who just stood there and let it happen.

Derek was almost that dumbass tonight.

I was honestly the last to notice her, but the first to notice something was definitely wrong with her, Kat's awareness of the same coming about half a second later. Kat was like, "uh, I think we should definitely think about going inside, because she is definitely heading straight toward us." Kyle and I also noticed that she seemed to be picking up her pace. She stopped for about a minute, right next to Kyle's car, which was parked right out front. I'd say we were about 2 feet from the door to the building, and she was about 50 feet from us. When Kat and I got up to go inside, she was still hunched over by the car.

Then it happened.

She got up, and I swear to god, that woman practically jumped to where we were. The moment me and Kat took our first step to the door, she was up and coming at us.

I don't remember the last time I moved that fast. I know Kat literally right next to me, Kyle two steps behind, and all of us yelling at fucking Derek, who was just watching her come, to get his ass inside.

Derek and Kyle had to hold the door while they were locking it, because she got there that fast.

It was the most surreal moment you could imagine. It was literally like being in some horror film, like "Dawn of the Dead", or to me, "28 Days Later". Just fucking sudden and weird like that.

Just when you think you've seen everything....

She just kept trying to get us to open the door, and we all just stood way back and watched her. At one point she pulled out her pipe, and started waving it at us, which explained a lot. I'm watching all this from a weird angle on my mobile's camera, as I have zero desire to be in her line of vision. Kyle peeked at her from the office, and Derek and Kat just kept watching her. Derek and Kat also both at different points tried to communicate with her, but no go.

She did a lot of different things while she was out there. She stood at the door for a long time. She went and sat on the curb next to Kyle's car for a bit. Then she got up and came back toward the door. Kyle and Derek went out back, got in Derek's car, and went for a little drive so we could call the cops to come and get her. Those two were not in a condition in which it would be wise to be there when the cops were. While they were going, I called. Told them we were trapped in there, please come and get her, we wanted to go home. We actually were trapped in there, because of where everyone but Derek was parked. As is the case when you call the cops, and no one is dead yet, they take their sweet ass time. She is just acting weirder by this point.

She went around the side of the building, but only long enough to change her pants and come back. She goes straight for the front door, because she sees Kat standing right there. Kat had been at the door, trying to see where she was. I told her it was probably not such a good idea for her to stand so close to the door, it wouldn't be that hard for her to break the glass. She stood there for a bit, then Kat said she just started crying. She did that for a few minutes, then went and sat down on the benches. She sat there for awhile, then just got up all of a sudden, crossed herself, picked up her shit, and started shuffling off in the direction from which she came. When she got up the street a ways, I called the cops back, told them where she was going, we could get to our cars now, we were bailing. The dispatcher told me, they should be there any minute, did we want them to come there? I told her, nah, we were going home, we just wanted to let them know, so they wouldn't come to the restaurant and find us gone. She said okay, thanks for calling back, go ahead and head out if it was safe.

I was getting my stuff when I heard Kat call out, "They got her! Over at the gas station!!"

"Good, let's go."

Kat took me home, so of course, we spent the ride talking about it. Still a little weirded out by the whole thing, to be honest with ya, but it's definitely gonna be a story for the books.

At this restaurant anyway.

I'm supposed to give a shit about the Lakers at a time like this?

As if.

I don't even watch basketball, and the Lakers being in the finals has been nothing but a pain in the ass. When I found out they lost, I started laughing, much to the detriment of the customers leaving the restaurant, who just got finished watching their team get worked. I mean really, how in the fuck do you have a 2o+ point lead in the first quarter, and then lose the game???

I had other things on my mind anyway. More important things than Kobe and the Lakers.

Canuck great Linden retires
IAIN MacINTYRE and PETER JAMES, Vancouver Sun and Canwest News Service
Published: Wednesday, June 11, 2008
VANCOUVER - Surrounded by friends and family and it seemed nearly every media member in Vancouver, Canuck icon Trevor Linden confirmed his retirement Wednesday during a packed, televised press conference.

"I know the time is right," the 38-year-old said, reading initially from a prepared text at General Motors Place. "But at the same time, there is sadness. Where did 20 years go? I will miss the game. I'm grateful for many things."

He said he is awed by the support and love he has received from fans -- a level of devotion not likely to be repeated for another athlete in Vancouver, and one that Linden said he still does not fully understand.


Trevor Linden

"I've met some of these kids named Linden," he said smiling. "They're getting older. Some of them are in high school. So that's a good sign it's time to move on. It's not every day you get to go from being an old player to a young man. That's a good thing."

Linden said his immediate plan is to step away from hockey and try to decide what he wants to do for the rest of his life. He said he and his wife, Cristina, have a European vacation planned.

The announcement was expected after Linden was given a standing ovation during a farewell lap after the Canucks final regular-season game this season.

Drafted second-overall by the Canucks 20 years to day before Wednesday's press conference, Linden spent all but 3 1/2 of his 19 National Hockey League seasons in Vancouver and finishes with 375 goals and 867 points in 1,382 games.

Linden had instant success in the NHL, scoring 30 goals and 29 assists as an 18-year-old rookie with the Canucks in 1988-89. He quickly became the face of the franchise and was named the team's captain when we was 21 years old.

He was a fan favourite in Vancouver, with some hockey fans naming their children in his honour.

After spending the first 10 years of his career with the Canucks, Linden was traded midway through the 1997-98 season to the New York Islanders for forward Todd Bertuzzi, defenceman Bryan McCabe and a third-round draft pick.

After stops in Montreal and Washington, he returned to Vancouver midway through the 2001-02 season in a trade with the Washington Capitals.

"When I left Vancouver in February of '98, it was a very sad day for me. Even though I knew it had to be that way, it was still very difficult," Linden said. "When I received the call from (then Canucks general manager) Brian Burke in '01, telling me I was coming home, I did not know what to think.

"My 10 years had been so special, I was concerned it wouldn't be the same. Well, it wasn't the same; it was better."

Linden helped the team reach the Stanley Cup final in 1994, losing to the New York Rangers.

"It's not something I dwell on. Certainly I would have loved to be part of a championship team here in Vancouver," Linden said. "I can say I performed as well as I could and tried to do what was right.

"It's a tough game, it's a tough sport. It takes a lot of things to go right."

He won a pair of Memorial Cup championships with the Western Hockey League's Medicine Hat Tigers in 1987 and 1988.

In 1997, he won the King Clancy Memorial Trophy for leadership on the ice and contribution to the community.

He was also known for his involvement with the National Hockey League Players' Association and was elected president of the organization in 1998. He led the organization through the 10-month lockout in 2004-05 and resigned from the top post in January 2006.

Linden's best offensive season was in 1995-96 with Vancouver when he scored 33 goals and 47 assists for 80 points in 82 games.

He saw a reduced role this season under head coach Alain Vigneault. He was a healthy scratch 23 times. He scored seven goals and five assists in 59 games.

Linden said he's spoken with the Canucks about continuing to work with the organization after his retirement, but described the talks as "very general."

"Time will kind of sort things out. Where my heart lies and what direction I see my future going," he said.


Todd Bertuzzi is my favorite NHL player...right above Trevor Linden. I had a cat who was a bruiser.

His name was Trevor. :)

When I left Bellingham to come to California, I did so leaving a majority of my property behind. I don't own a lot, but what I do own is precious to me. You see, I'm a collector. Some of it is just little bullshit, like stuffed animals and other girly type things like that.

Then there is the more serious stuff.

Some of you don't know this yet, but I am a complete and utter NERD. I'm damn proud of that fact, just to keep the record straight. I played Dungeons and Dragons for about 11 years, have played video games since the Atari 2600 ('cause I'm probably older than you), will read damn near anything put in front of me, I have seen EVERY "episode" of "Star Wars" at the theatre, love "LOTR" and "Harry Potter" and yes, I even wear glasses, have since I was 4 years old. The biggest tell, I've been told, revolves around my biggest collection...

...my comic books.

Boxes and boxes of comic books. I'm what I like to call very "Brodie" about them. If you've ever seen the movie "Mallrats", you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. All in boxes, fully organized, back boards and plastic, the whole deal. I'm also a collector who refuses to give up her collection under any circumstances, so someone will be benefiting from than one day.

This is going somewhere...


Probably the last midnight show with my friends in California, and well worth it.

They are finally doing our comics justice. :)

I've officially begun the transferring process. Thank god for copy/paste, or I'd scrap the idea all together. Good thing I'm not posting everything. It's not all worth being posted again.

Meaning, some of it is just straight crap, and I can't believe I posted it...at all.

This is gonna be a pain in the ass, but it's worth it.

Today is my day off. The only one I get off this week, but I'm okay with that. I'd rather spend my days being annoyed at work, because it will make time go by faster. I had to run to the store and get Coke (Pepsi is gross), it's pretty much all I drink. Well, that and water, which makes my friends very happy, as it was something I pretty much refused to do before. Sugar just damn tastes better. Probably had something to do with the fact that I used to be as big as a house, and now I'm not.

When I left my house on this errand, I got another huge sign that it's time for me to leave here. My tia Eileen, who lives directly across the street, was out at the end of the driveway with my other tia, Irene (her twin), and my cousin Nadine. Next door (to us), my father was watering the neighbors' lawn. You could literally feel the animosity between the three eldest, my cousin and myself being in caught in the middle of a bunch of bullshit. I almost turned around and went back inside, as I had to walk right through the middle of that. I could get into a lot of the reasons why, but it really just too damn depressing.

The first thing I learned at an unfortunately young age is the fact that blood is NOT the tie that binds. Not by a long shot. I have spent the last 10 years building solid friendships with people who have become my family. It's one of the reasons I am so careful about who I let into my life.

Not that mistakes haven't been made. That's why I shut my other blog down. That's why my pseudonym is all your getting for a bit. That'll change in the next few days or so, depending on how much stuff and how long it takes me to transfer the things I want to keep from my original blog. I was just gonna leave the old one up, but some of it needs to be here. Then I'm gonna delete it. Its existence is just no longer necessary. I don't want to backtrack, just move forward.

With everything in my life, I'm only going forward.

Never back again.

This is just too funny not to post again

This just does not get old..

Neither does this!!!

For someone who doesn't really talk much, sometimes I don't know when to shut the fuck up. It's just that when I think someone (only my friends..I don't care what anyone else thinks) hasn't gotten exactly what I want to say to them, whatever the subject, I have this overwhelming need to explain myself....in detail. I don't do it often. Probably the only reason they don't get mad at me.

Sorry, Church :)

Anyway, I'm so glad that I've writing again. I really needed to. This has been such a wonderful outlet for me, I've hated not being able to do it. Unfortunately, obligations at work, and my desire not to spend any more time than absolutely necessary at home has kept me from it. It has also been bad for me keeping in touch with everyone I'm supposed to, something I've admittedly always been known for. It's not that I don't care, I would rather just keep to myself most of the time.

It keeps things uncomplicated.

There are people I communicate with almost daily, but very few. That will change a lot when I move back to Bellingham next month. The people I do like to spend time with are either there, or close by. Everyone that is welcome in my life, I go out of my way to make sure they always know how to find me. Those that aren't, well, they figure it out pretty quick.

I've always just been bluntly honest like that, what can I say?

Today was my first night back at work. It wasn't as bad as I thought, but I did notably feel my tummy roll over when I stepped foot into the building. It's definitely time to get the fuck out of there. That place is truly trying to make me insane. I found out Monday night that my boss needs to have yet another surgery. Which means if it happens while I'm still here, I will be in charge of running the store for the third time this year.

I don't want to.

I did bring home boxes from work tonight, so I could start packing.

Vacation is boring for me

Today is day 3 of my vacation.

I woke up at about 1:30pm. Which is about right, since bed was around 8am this morning. As per my usual routine, I watched cartoons for about an hour, then started flipping channels to try and find something more interesting.

There were no really good cartoons on yet...

As I am more attached to my remote control than most guys are, I have it set up so it will only flip through the channels I love to watch. Which is about 5 or 6 regular channels, and all the movie channels. I found a movie after about 2 minutes. It's something I've seen many times, that I actually do own on DVD, I was just too lazy to get up and put it in the DVD player. Oddly enough, I'm watching it for the second time today, while I'm writing this.

The movie?


"Deathproof". Just more evidence that girls kick ass, courtesy of Quentin Tarantino.

I can finally get back to it. Back to my real writing, I mean. I have another blog, but honestly, it's been tainted. I won't get into the reasons why, because it's beyond the scope of what I'm willing to share.

I've learned my lesson, believe me.

Some of you will be led here, by me, or any one of the contributing writers, which at this time is only my best friend and brother Dan, but I expect that to change in the near future.

This blog, like my other, is in the basest of terms, my diary. Some things I will not repeat, as they were hard enough to write the first time. I like to rant a lot, which you will discover as well. For those of you new to the game, well...

I like to swear....a whole lot....

Back to being able to write without editing myself is the greatest feeling in the world.

Let her try it now, Church...

A very non-disappointing sequel

3am...

Typical for me to be awake at this time, and not at all unusual that I just walked through the front door. Although at least this time, it wasn't work related.

As you may recall, I VERY excitedly posted the trailer for "Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian". I have been waiting even longer than that for this movie, and I can happily say, I was not disappointed. I went with a group of friends to the midnight showing, as is standard for most of the bigger movies, as I don't particularly like sitting in movie theatres on opening weekends.

For this movie, I would have. I plan on seeing it at least a few more times while its still out in theatres, as I did with the last one. I won't give a bunch of spoilers, all I will say is the did justice to my favourite character from a book ever.....

Reepicheep. The mouse knight of Narnia. Absolutely bad ass. Fact is, if you've read the series, you know how much of a primary character he really is.

Go see it, it's well worth the 2 plus hours. If you enjoyed the first one at all, you will love this one.

well, mex...

yer pickin a pretty damn good time to leave - because in addition to all the family strife, los angelinos will soon be drinking their own shit:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/16/us/16water.html?ref=us

haha!

pass me a glass of brown, please?
-d

I've always been a fairly quiet person, so over my lifetime, I've always found it easiest to get my point across by writing it down. I'm a little more vocal now, but the writing still works best. Before, in the form of letters. Now, in the form of this blog.

Some people who still don't know me that well will occasionally ask why I'm still here in California, since I spend a pretty good amount of time stating the fact that I hate it here, and that I can't wait to leave. Shortly before my grandmother Caroline passed away, I came to visit with her for a week and a half. It was a case of it likely being the last time I was going to be able to do so, and as she was one of the two most important people in my life, I took my opportunity when I could. My brother Alfred Jr. and I had one really great day with her 2 days before I went back to Bellingham. It was one of the rare occasions she was coherent enough to have a real conversation, and we had her laughing and cracking jokes, which she hadn't done in quite a while. Losing both of your legs, and having to have dialysis 4 times a week, and having been in the hospital system because of it, has a tendency to destroy a sense of humor.

A week later, she passed away, and as I had promised her I would the last day I saw and spoke with her, I came back to California to stay and try and rebuild relationships with the family I still had here. She never asked for anything, from anybody, so those of us who truly loved her always kept our promises to her.

Sorry grandma, I tried. I just can't do it anymore.

I've been here now for just short of two years, and as much as I miss you horribly....

I'm glad your not here to see what has become of our family.

The fighting over the money (what little there was), and the house started the day before we even buried you next to grandpa, where you wanted to be since he left us four years ago. You never had to say it, I saw it in your eyes from the day we buried him, until the last time I saw you.

We should all be so lucky to share even part of the love you had for each other, a love that spanned over 60 years, since you met in high school. A love that you gave to everyone around you, your children, your grandchildren, and even the few of your great-grandchildren you got to meet.

Everything that is good in me, I got from you.

Which is why I can't understand what has happened to everyone else. How the people that I thought I knew all my life are now all completely different people. Well, not all. Uncle Marty is still the same. Like me, he finds it easier to just keep to himself, keep his private life private, and to not see how ugly it all is now.

We don't see the twins anymore. After they took all the cash they could find in your room, and took everything they knew they could sell, they haven't been back. Gil still keeps to himself, and doesn't really talk to anyone anymore. Anna is still taking care of Armando, who at 36 should be more than capable of taking care of himself, yet refuses to do so, and even the fact that he spends her very hard earned money to keep himself in meth, or whatever he happens to be into that day, is another reason I can't stay here anymore. I've already dealt with that for a good portion of my life, with my mother and Carolina having severe drug and alcohol problems themselves. I can't live with or around that again.

When you and grandpa left this house, all the love that used to be here went with it.

This house, which used to be my one safe haven. is now just an uncomfortable place I don't like being in.

So when I leave this house, it will be for the last time.

The honest truth is, I can't live here with you and grandpa being gone.

I miss walking out into the living room at 11 or noon, and grandpa making jokes about how he was just coming to make sure I was still alive, because it was already so late. I miss the times when you would yell at grandpa, to slow down because he was driving too fast, and he would just give you that naughty little boy grin, to which you would always shake your head and smile, and about 2 minutes later, the process would start over again. Sorting through boxes of pictures and things after you passed away, finding letters I wrote you, and the fact that you still had every single one. Walking around the house and seeing so much of you here, and always wishing with every fiber of my being that you would come walking out of the kitchen, or that I will walk out back and see grandpa out back practicing his putting. I still find his golf balls in random places in the back and front yard.

Those things, and a million more wonderful memories of you both are the only things I will take out of this house when I go. It's more than enough, because nobody can take that from me.

It's just not home without you.