Ah, another day gone, not a whole lot to show for it.

I really need to get back to school and get my business up and running. The customer service thing isn't really doing it for me anymore.

Mouth hurts like hell right now. Wish that bastard was around so I could hit him back.

I really need to sit down and make a list of all I need to get taken care of. As I mentioned, there is a lot to get settled this first few months of the new year, and if I don't make a list, half of it likely won't get done. The more organized I am, the better. It always starts with a good list. :)

Gonna try and get some pictures of a couple of the good Xmas light setups before the neighbors take them down, I won't be here next year for it.

I'll be adding music to the page soon, just gotta set up a new play list. Things will constantly be added from here on out, maybe it will make it more interesting, maybe it won't. It will give me something to do though.

Are the holidays required to be happy?

It's finally over, and I couldn't be happier!!!

Fuck Christmas >:)

I know that's its a special holiday for so many, and for those who do truly love it, I hope you had a fantastic holiday.

For me, it's just another stress in my life that I don't need.

Now to prepare for the new year. Another day full of false promises we make to ourselves, promises rarely kept. Do you really need a specific day of the year to start fresh, and try to improve whatever part of your life required said promise?

I think not.

I've started my path for improvement early this year. Think it will not work as well because I didn't wait until the "New Year"? I'll have to let you know that one later.

I have a lot of things to take care of in the first half of the new year, it's fairly ridiculous to be honest.

Dentist appointments galore, due to a Christmas Day incident (fucking shocker, eh?) which left me with one less tooth and 12 stitches in my mouth. Special, wish I played hockey even more now.

My baby sister Heather's wedding in Washington in May, vacation #1 with my boyfriend shortly thereafter. So a couple of awesome things to look forward to early next year.

Working on a business venture with my best friend/bro Dan, which could work out very well for the both of us, since we would FINALLY be doing what we love for a job. As not to jinx it, I will fill you in on details as they become more available.

I will also be working full time on this blog again. Yeah yeah, I know I've said that a few times before, but I really had not a lot of reason to do so before, but as this blog will also be tied in to my business, I need to keep on it from now on.

Here's to all those I love having a great New Year's.

Cheers :)

For my baby...

Days are not to be wasted. You never know when your last one will be, and I don't want to lose any with you.

I don't quite understand it to be perfectly honest.

How someone like me, who KNOWS that I have at least a handful of people who truly care about me, can possibly feel the way I do right now.

Completely and utterly alone.

Maybe it's because I lost my best fucking friend in the world recently. What started out that day as a plan to hang out and have fun ended up turning into us not speaking. It's not because we hate each other. It's not because we got into a fight. It's because he loves me far too much to be able to be around me right now. I don't know how long the separation is going to last, but I can say it is having a negative impact on my life right now.

Or maybe it's because things aren't going so great in my relationship right now. I had the integrity of my feelings put into question last night, and it had a huge and horrible impact on me. Mainly because the issue is something that we discussed before we even became a couple, so I was under the (obviously) mistaken impression it was a moot point. That'll teach me I guess. To be fair, I'm not angry, just extremely hurt.

I think this is why I have avoided relationships for the most part. I have a tendency to give of myself, even if the other person does not. If things go wrong, I blame myself, even if the blame is not for me to take. I think a lot of people tend to do that as well, maybe that's why most of us can't make it work like people used to. I pride myself in the fact that I don't jump into relationships, because I'm not a casual dater. I always have to really get to know someone before I can even consider starting a relationship with them. The thing is, I never get into a relationship without the intention of making it "work".

The relationship my grandparents had was all I ever strived for in my life. They met when they were in high school, were lucky enough to only have been with each other, and spent the rest of their lives married to each other. Life wasn't always easy, but they made it work. They raised 8 children the best they could in a 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom house. They loved their grandchildren, never judged, did their best to be supportive to everyone, and everything good about me, I got mainly from them.

I live in said house today, and everyday I wake up, I wonder where the hell it all went wrong. I still firmly believe it's because they are not here anymore. I could have talked to either one of them about what is going on with me right now, and either one of them could have fixed it with a word, or a smile.

I do miss them so.

Thanksgiving.

Glad it's over, not one of my favorite holidays. Probably because it's been awhile since I actually spent it with anyone I cared about. Last year, had the flu pretty bad, and my personal life was fairly shit, relationship wise. This year, just more drama....relationship wise.

As I've said before, wouldn't be my life if it wasn't completely complicated and fucked up.

I mean, in all reality, my life could be far worse. I could not even have a home, or a relationship, or any of that. I could spend my days fighting for survival like so many others in the world have to.

Don't think I don't understand that....I do.

I'm just lucky enough to be one of the fortunate millions who have comforts like electricity, a home, and an outlet to whine about things that for the most part are consequential to no one but myself.

Would a natural disaster, something along the lines of "Armageddon" be such a bad thing? It would even the playing field if you ask me. So many wouldn't survive strictly for the fact that as the majority of people around me can't even wipe their own ass without help, let alone survive a catastrophe of that magnitude.

Watched "Fight Club" earlier today for the billionth time. So much raw honesty and truth in that movie, I find it rather enlightening. Maybe I'm weird, but maybe not.

Just in a bit of a strange mood as you can plainly see. Kind of skirting around other issues at the moment, need to do that a bit longer.

Be back later.

Well, it's time to be off to work now. Yay me.

My day is only getting started, and it honestly seems like just another day of suck ahead.

How could it not? I'm working on Halloween for fucks sake.

Two of my friends who were supposed to be getting married are now broken up. *sighs*

Yeah, don't think today is gonna be a good day at all, though I don't see how it could get much worse.

It's my life though, which means there is a disgusting amount of possibility for calamity.

Happy Halloween all.

So yeah, it's been a few days....sue me.

Sometimes life takes over, even when you don't want it to. Let's get caught up, shall we?

The concert last Saturday was fantastic, I'm so glad I got to go. Not only was it a fun day spent with my brother, but every performance was great, it was a good time I must say.

Sunday...Monday...Tuesday...Wednesday....work...bleh. Some customer who is one of the rudest people I've ever met actually apologized to me on Wednesday night, for his obnoxious rant he went on towards me almost a month ago. I'm sure it had more to do with the fact he was told not to bother to return to the restaurant (almost all the employees refused to help him anymore) than the fact that he was actually sorry, but whatever. Still looking for another job, hopefully I will find one soon.

Yesterday, didn't do anything really. Woke up in the afternoon, as usual. Watched a couple movies, jumped online and into my game for a few hours. More television, about 30 minutes spent with the boyfriend, more gaming, then more television and sleep.

Wash, rinse, repeat...minus the time with the boyfriend. *sighs*

Ever wake up some days, and just feel more like you are an *obligation* than anything else?

That's how I have felt for the last few weeks to be quite honest.

I'm sure it's unfounded, but the feeling won't leave, not really sure why.

Maybe it has to do with this mindset I have of *waiting*...waiting for things to inevitably go wrong, and to have my life go back to complete shit instead of just partially being stuck in it.

If I was ever given a reason to not think like that, maybe I could stop.

Just never had a reason.

Change of plans yet again.

Let my brother know that my ride had fell through, and I wasn't going to be able to make the concert after all.

He's coming to pick me up since he is going as well. I get to go after all!!!

I'm so excited I can't hardly stand it.

No cameras or stuff allowed, which is a bummer. It's okay though, I'm just happy to be going.

Will be back to talk about it when I get home.

I am so fucking tired.

Just walked in the door from work, so busy I didn't even get my break today. It's not like I care because I felt the need to sit on my ass or anything. My break is the time I use to do some of my closing work I can't get done when I'm helping customers. No break...cleaning time = denied!!

The only good thing is I have no work tomorrow. I get to go pick up my paycheck, point and laugh at my friends who DO have to work in that shithole tomorrow, and then spend the next couple of days at home with my sweetie.

Not a bad trade off for a shitty night if you ask me.

I will be going to the movies tomorrow as well though. *Saw 6* is out, and I NEED to see it. Well, my friend Brian and I are actually going, as we just NEED to know if our predictions about certain characters were correct or not. We have been waiting two years to find this out.

Other than that, all my time will be spent at home, hanging out, gaming and the like. Plus, since Halloween is a mere week away now, all the channels are going full blown with the horror movies, something I am totally ecstatic about.

I'm gonna have a good weekend if it kills me dammit. ;)

It's typical.

So much so that I'm already over being upset about it.

Nothing like having plans you made almost 2 months ago being completely blown in an instant.

See, some friends and I were supposed to be going to a concert together this Saturday. It went from 6 people to 3, which wasn't that big of a deal, since those three were *iffy* at best. The thing is, with the last 3, the wait came down to one person. That one person OF COURSE being our ride to the show.

So much for that. On a positive note...hmmmm...what is a positive note? Maybe the fact he didn't wait until the day of the show to bail? The fact that he was also in charge of buying tickets, so I didn't have to lose money on that either?

Well, at least I have the fucking day off, eh? Oh well...

Now time to start getting ready for work...yay me.

It's already been a long day, and I'm barely getting started.

So once again, I'm starting over from scratch.

With everything.

Looking for a new job.

Doing my research to get my ass back into school.

Being happy with the relationship I'm in right now. Completely for once...no stress/no drama is actually very nice. Wishing the same for my BFFF, I know he'll work it out.

Been getting in contact with friends I have cared about since I was a teenager, and re-connecting with friends I've made in the more recent years of my life. Also people I care about very much. I'm trying to get better about staying in contact, but as usual, I'm making no promises. I'm so used to being a self-contained unit, I forget that there are still people who give a shit about me. Sorry about that guys and gals.

Back to the writing. Damn I've missed it. I attempted to start over again at the beginning of this year, but so much random and time consuming shit has happened since the get, I honestly have thought little of doing it. It's time to start again though, as I've been spending more and more time on this damn computer of mine. What can I say, it makes me happy.

Hmmm.... I really should get to bed though, as it is 8:16 in the a.m., and I do have to work later. Yay for me. Hate my fucking job, if I could afford to quit, I wouldn't even bother to go back, starting today. Need to stay a bit longer though, but not much believe you me. I'll will be gone before the year is out.

Nap time.