More of my randomness at its best

Yeah, well, its been a couple of weeks, but I've been busy. Fostering my video game addiction, because it keeps my mind occupied.

It's what I need at the time, what can I say?

As always though, there are a million thoughts going through my head. My brain is in constant overdrive, something that has always been. To my own detriment, as far as I'm concerned.

One lesson I have learned well over this last year...keep your friends close, and your enemies closer...always. Just because I'm being quiet doesn't mean I'm not paying attention. Trust me, I learned long ago how to play the game better than you.

You can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends, and they can be your true family. I don't pick my friends by their age, race, or anything like that. They just kind of happen, usually suddenly. My closest friends have happened pretty instantly. The 'friendships' I have to put actual work into are usually the ones that end up being false. Funny, eh?

I don't use the "friend" tag lightly either. You are either my best friend, or merely an acquaintance. Just the way it works for me.

After all, I'm not the easiest person to be friends with in the first place. I'm usually pretty difficult to keep track of, but it's not because I don't care. It's just because I don't want to be the cause of any hurt, and there is a lot more dark in me than light. I guarantee it will always be that way, and my true friends know that, and deal with it the best they can.

I know it makes you sad sometimes, and for that, I'm truly sorry...

It's why my friends are my family though...they are with me no matter what.

It's almost Christmas time, and I'm glad....because then it will be over. I hate the fucking holidays with a passion. Just a couple more weeks, and the bullshit is over. Some of the other holidays after the new year, I will thankfully miss, because I will be in basic training...another finally.

I wish I was in Washington, and not in California. This place sucks ass. Shut up Dan...you know the only reason I came here was because I promised my grandma I would.

It's 1 am here now...and 3am somewhere else in the world. Which means it's about time for me to go hang out with one my best friends who always makes me smile.

That also makes me think of the best of all my friends, whose smile makes my heart skip, and makes it break all at the same time...

I also think of yet another friend, who always goes out of her way to remind me that I am loved, no matter what I think otherwise.

And of my other friends, who are newer to my life, who are still adjusting to being in my life, and still getting used to wandering through the dark part of it. I wish sometimes I could help them understand it better, but I have yet to figure out how...

I myself am astounded by how many people have told me I'm going to be missed when I leave for the Army. It's nice to know they care, but I'm still surprised by it.

Maybe next year will be better, maybe it won't. I'm fairly indifferent to it either way.

Hope doesn't exist in the dictionary of my life. Only existence does.