I haven't written much lately, mostly due to a very busy schedule. Getting ready to leave for basic training takes up a lot of time. I was hoping to be gone by now, but with the military, there is a lot of "hurry up and wait". So here I sit...

...waiting.

Many things have changed for me in the last year, and some of you have borne witness to that, via this blog. Some things shared were very difficult, yet at the same time, have been equivalent to a cleansing of sorts.

Why does love have to hurt so fucking bad? ...meh..

Why are the few people I love most always the first to exit my life?

Guess it's just the way it goes, huh?

...and so it goes.

I am more anxious to begin my time in the military than ever before. It will take me away from the things I would rather not deal with or think about. With every passing day, I am more and more tempted to return to my world of solitude, and just say "fuck it" altogether.

My life just seems to be easier that way. Loneliness has never been an issue.

As a matter of fact, it's a preference.

Here I sit, just continuing to pass time, with nothing I really care to look forward to. As is my life.

Here I sit...taking up space.

Here I sit...wishing I just wasn't.

Here I sit...knowing I have served any purpose I was meant to, and knowing I don't have another.

And I will continue to sit here, on my own, trying to smile, but unable....

...pretending to be okay, but far from it.

Just sitting....never standing.