SO...
A loooooong time ago now, Cristina invited me to write the occasional piece for her blog. I agreed, and promptly didn't think about it again for quite a while. I believe this took place when she still lived in Washington State. So that may even count as MORE than “quite a while ago.” ha.
Then, a long time ago - but much less long ago then the first instance i was just mentioned - we were chatting over email or IM or something (this was well after she was living in Cali again) - and she actually took the time to make me a Contributor - meaning that I now have the passcode to this rabbit! She then even went as far as to make some sarcastic remark on the blog about how "we'll see how long it takes for him to say something on here." HA - you know as well as I do how stubborn a bastard I can be when pressed. SO - I decided to wait it out.
Today, I feel it has (finally) been long enough. And BOY HOWDY, do i have a story to tell you.
To tell this story properly, I need to give you some background:
I live in Ballard (north Seattle, basically), on a 50 foot sailboat with my wife. Currently, we are experiencing some "shitter technical difficulties," which basically means that if you need to poo, you need to walk down the dock to the bathroom facilities on land. This problem is VERY close to being solved – but at the time of this story, it remained a problem. We live on the very end of the dock - which means more privacy - better view of the bay, the mountains, etc. HOWEVER - there are those days when it's a very very long walk down the dock - if it's pouring sideways rain, for example (which it does in Seattle a fair bit); or, if you need to poo.
I commute to Snoqualmie to work 4 days a week. For those of you not 'in the know,' Snoqualmie is about 30 miles east of Seattle - and about 20 miles west of a major mountain pass (which is actually currently closed due to the largest avalanches they have ever seen on this mountain pass).
My wife just got a job in Issaquah - which is about 6 miles west of where I work. Neat-o - except we can't commute together because she works mornings, and I don't.
SO - we meet for her dinner/my lunch every night around 6:30.
More on that in a minute.
First, more background:
My good friend Ethan lives in the same marina we live in - and also works at the same place I do. So we make breakfast most days, and then carpool. Except Ethan was feeling a little under-the-weather (hungover) yesterday morning - so he missed breakfast.
Ethan's breakfast ended up consisting of a large portion of pizza that he ordered when we got to work. And even though I wasn't hungry, I ended up eating a fair portion of it as well (hey, what can I say? I must miss the stuff - I delivered this crap for nearly 7 years).
I then proceeded to meet Wifey for dinner at 6:30. We went to a local mexican establishment in Snoqualmie, and I ordered and consumed in it’s entirety a very large burrito, and as many chips as I could scarf down my fat gob. All this, even though I STILL wasn’t hungry – damn pizza.
Oh yes. The pizza. There was leftovers, which I took home with me – and during my drive home, for some reason became very hungry. I had absolutely no reason to be, but there we were. So I ate the leftovers.
I got home, and suddenly didn’t feel very good. And then I passed out.
I have NEVER had stranger dreams in my life. Most of them, I can’t really recall. Except for the last one, which was so strange, it actually woke me up.
I dreamt it was Halloween, and we were going to the waterslide park from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (Waterloo – home of the world famous waterslides!). For Halloween, I dressed up as – you guessed it – a giant poo.
So here I am – a giant poo, sliding down the waterslides at Mach 10. And – again, you probably guessed it – but all the waterslides are different colors right? Yuppers – I was sliding down the BROWN slide.
And the best part of this dream – I was actually watching this from 3rd person camera – watching a giant poo with feet slide down the brown slide at Mach 10 – all to the tune of that inane Incubus song “I Wish You Were Here.”
I woke up – and RAN my ass down the dock to the shitter.
How doest thou spell relief? You can answer that one on your own.
Until next time,
Mahalo
-Dan
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