I'm so tired of posting this depressing shit already.

Not gonna do it anymore.

Can't say my mood has improved much, but at least I'm to a point where I can hide it again.

It's been a survival tool of mine for years, and has proved useful on far too many occasions. The hurt I have dealt with over the last couple of months has been worse than anything I've had to deal with before, and that is saying a lot, considering my past.

I will make it through it though...I always do. So moving on....

I bought batteries for my camera (finally *rolls eyes*), so now it is time to get back to it. Time to start my writing again, and dedicate just as much time to it as I used to. For those who have read my ramblings before, you know this is just my diary. I share a lot more than most would, but it's just me, as I don't have anything to hide really, never have. There are some parts of my life that I choose to keep private, but those are few. This blog will prove that point again shortly.

Honest to a fault, that would be me. Sometimes an advantage, has also been known to be detrimental. As is my life. I just go with it. Nothing better to do really hahaha

Going to hang out for the next couple of days with one of my buddies. When I'm not there, the animals miss me. Two dogs, three cats. They all adore me, it's like having pets of my own again without the actual responsibility. Gonna play with my camera tonight when I get there and get some pics posted of them in their awesomeness.

Cheers all. ;)

Yeah, I haven't been here. There is a reason.

Aside from the fact that I've been too busy with school, my thoughts have been way too dark and ugly for me to want to put them down for public consumption.

It's hard to talk sometimes when you don't like yourself anymore.

Even at my worst times, it was never difficult to get it out of my system.

Guess those times weren't as bad as I had thought. Not like these are.

One more class in the morning, and this quarter is complete. To be quite honest, I really couldn't care less. If it wasn't for the fact that I already have financial aid covering the bill for now, and I'm financially committed already, I wouldn't bother continuing. My heart just isn't in it anymore.

My heart is just not there anymore. Period.

Kinda bored right now.

Just sitting here in class, helping my friends with their homework and surfing the web.

I don't have my computer here with me in Omaha, I left it back in California in my rush to move here for school. How I miss my hunk of plastic and wires. Sadly enough, I feel horribly disconnected without it. No gaming, no blogging on a regular basis. All my Internet activity is based on what I can do when I'm at school. I can only access Facebook from my phone, which kinda sucks. No stupid Facebook games to eat up time.

Leaves me far too much time to think, which is a bad thing, no doubt.

At least this week that is brought to a slight minimum, as I still have a ton of math homework to catch up on in the next week and a half. I have to pass that damn class with at least a B so it doesn't bring down my GPA, and because I refuse to take it again.

Wish me luck, be back soon...

So I've decided to do this again.

Starting over.

Well...starting over...sort of?? I used to maintain my blog pretty faithfully, but over the last year or so I neglected it badly. To be honest, I didn't really have a whole lot that needed to be said.

Well, that has changed.

I guess it technically never really did, but as I was pretty happy with my life, blogging was something that just fell to the wayside.

Now that I'm not particularly happy...well, not at all really, I need to have this outlet again.

It's not that I'm outright miserable or anything, but definitely not happy.

I have school to occupy my time, plus work, but I do miss my writing, and I feel this is the perfect time to get back to it. Maybe it will help me get back a sense of myself. At the very least, I have my place to rant again. While it hurts somewhat to see some of what I wrote in the past, it's part of who I am, and keeps true to why I started writing in the first place.

I need to attempt to get at least a bit of myself back. Most of it is gone forever, but at least I still have my sense of humor. I'm still awesome at making people smile. Kinda like a clown, but far less obnoxious. Making other people happy makes me not hurt as much.

Odd, isn't it?

I wonder if you realize...

Only sometimes though.

Because honestly, I know you do.  Just like I do.  As you've said yourself a million times, "no one knows me as great as you do." There is a reason for that, a reason that needs no definition.  That's how well we know each other.

I wonder if that is what scares you sometimes. Do you think that I'm not?

Of course I am.  I don't really like being emotional about anybody or anything, you are the only exception to that.  Just as I know it's mutual from your end.

Love like ours is so rare, I'm thankful everyday I wake up, knowing you are the one I feel that way about.

I suppose I still have enough of my "free-spirit" to be able to survive on my own if anything should ever happen to you. I just hope it doesn't come to that, as you are my dearest friend.

I honestly don't even know where I would be now if it wasn't for you.  I almost fell back into that deep, dark hole before you pulled me out for the last time. I will fight for you to the end, there is not a thing that will ever make me give up on you, always remember that.

I love you, and I always will.

So Comp I was, and will continue to be, a super easy class for me.  Goodness knows, I love to write.  Given the chance to just babble on in writing about things I like, things that annoy me, things I know lots about...

Who passes up the chance for that?

Besides, I need this class, as it is a prerequisite for pretty much every Criminal Justice class I have to take in the future.  Plus, I'm all about getting my general education classes out of the way as soon as possible. Which is why I'm taking 4 classes this quarter, two of which are gen. ed. ....Comp I and Math I.

Have I mentioned yet that I absolutely DESPISE math?

Yeah, I know it's a necessary part of life, at least as far as basic math goes.  That stuff I can do in my head. Be pretty sad if I couldn't, considering how much time I've spent working in the customer service industry.  That being said, I see no reason whatsoever that I should have to take a college math course, in which things like Algebra, Calculus, and Trigonometry are involved.  Knowing these things will NOT help me figure out who made the dead body, and things such as that.  If I was going to be a scientist or a Math teacher, I could understand the need to know.

I am not planning on being either of those things.

I suppose you could put other careers in that list too. Architect, doctor (maybe?), I don't really know what else.  All I know is my field does not require it. Stupid gen. ed. classes....

All I know is this fucking math class better not screw up my GPA, or I will be quite furious. -.-

I feel better now that I have complained about that. Now onto something else!!!

Quitting one of my 3 jobs. Soon. This weekend. Really, it's only like having two and a half, but technically, it's 3.  The one I'm quitting is Domino's, which is the first job I got when I moved here to Omaha, but has without a doubt been the least productive. It started out okay, but due to a few factors, such as, no advertising prior to opening, lack of any managerial skills by the people running the place, things like that, business is nowhere near what it should be. Being as I'm not 16 anymore, and need to work at a job that gives me more that 2-5 hours a week, it's not worth my time. I spend more time and money traveling there than I actually get to work, so I'm done with it now. Especially since I got sent home after only 30 minutes yesterday.

Believe it or not, I have better things to do with my time.

Like sitting here at school, writing on my blog while I wait for my class to start. XD

Had my first class of the quarter last night. Transportation security. Interesting at least...so far. Apparently there is going to be a lot of writing involved, which doesn't bother me in the least. I don't mind the homework, it keeps me busy. Tonight's class is going to be the true test though.

Composition I.

I'm actually very much looking forward to this one, as I love to write. Some of that may be apparent here, but maybe not. Mainly because I don't have the chance to write as much as I used to, but I am really working on that. I will probably have a bit more time to do so now that I'm gonna be spending so much time on homework, I can sneak in some writing and such here.

I suppose we shall see, eh?

Back to school again...

Still just trying to kill some time right now.

Already been to work this morning for a while. Came to school early (don't start for another 45 minutes), to check on my grades and pick up my books (rockin' a 4.0 right now, thank you very much). Catching up on reading a few of the blogs I try and keep up with on a fairly regular basis (harder to keep up with some of them on my phone >.<), and trying not to fall asleep. Not because of the blogs, but from lack of real sleep.


Still sleeping on the air mattress for the time being.  I have three jobs now, so once I get caught up and have a little extra money, I can actually start buying stuff for my apartment, so it looks like a normal lived-in place.  Living on my own is spectacular, but it would be nice to have a few more things than a shitty air bed and some clothes in my place. That is a big reason I have added no pictures like I've been wanting to, although I am currently considering doing the before/after thing, think it might be slightly interesting.

Working three shitty part-time jobs has been what keeps me busy lately, which is fine for now, but I can't wait to go full time at the main one, so I can quit at least one of the other two I have now *cough* Domino's *cough*...hate that damn place, wish I would have never gotten hired there, though it did serve its purpose, albeit slightly, when I needed it to.

Yes, sleep is still overrated, though admittedly, I do enjoy doing it from time to time. Will be better when it's on my REAL bed, not the air one.

Still don't have my PC here yet, I really need to get my brother to go the house in Cali and get it sent out here, not having it is literally making me insane.  Not only because I miss hanging out with some of my best pals and playin' GW, but because all my music is loaded onto that thing, and my MP3 player is dying for a change.  Sad to say, but my life sort of revolves around that damn little box of technology. *sigh*

Well, only 35 minutes to go now, guess I should get ready to head for class, be back tomorrow for more updates on the exciting randomness that is my life. Hahahahahahaha.... >:) <------is my naughty face lol

How many more times can I say.."damn, it's been forever!!" ??

I do have a valid excuse this time though. I swear!!

I've been one busy bunny rabbit...

I may have mentioned going to school, I KNOW I discussed my need to not live in California anymore. Well, I finally managed to make some of that stuff happen. It was all happened very quickly, which is part of the reason I haven't been writing like I've wanted to.

I went on a mini-vacation back in early June, going through California, Nevada, Utah, Colorado, and ending in Nebraska. It was not only a vacation that sent me on this trip, but checking out the possibility of starting school again finally. After speaking to the admittance people here, and financial aid, they informed me that if I could get back here to Omaha, they could have me starting school in the next quarter, which was a week and a half away. So after having a discussion with my father upon my return to California, he said he would help me financially by loaning me the money to get back out here and start school right away.

So here I am.

No longer (very happily) in California, my new area of residence is Omaha, Nebraska. I really like it here a lot. I could do without the constant humidity, but other than that, it's great!!! I'm back in a place where people are friendly, it's not completely overcrowded or unnecessarily expensive, and I'm back in school, which is the most important thing right now. School is fantastic, it's been a lot easier to fall back into it than I thought it would be, and I have the straight A's this quarter to prove it. Thanks to that, I get to take more classes next quarter, which will set me on track for early graduation, assuming I maintain my GPA (which I will). Why do I want to graduate early you may ask? That would be because I intend to join the Army right after graduation. Everyone was hoping I had given up on that, but man, are they in for a rude surprise. I live my life for no one but myself, and I look for no one's approval in the choices I make for myself. I have the support from the one I feel I need to have it from, and that's all that counts.

So for the most part, things are going pretty well, and very much looking up, especially considering where things were just a few months ago. They will continue, because I will accept nothing less, I'm just stubborn that way.

Now if I can just get my father to hurry the hell up and ship my computer out here for me, I can start writing daily again. For now it will still be a bit sporadic, as my only computer access is at school (I'm supposed to be finishing homework right now >.<), but I will be writing again, because I actually have motivation to do so, without too much whiny bullshit.

It is good to be back >:)