Yeah, I know it's been awhile. What can I say, I've been a little busy. I have been spending all my time getting ready to make my move from civilian to military, and I'm very happy about the progress I'm making. I can say, I haven't been this excited about anything in a very long time. There's only one other thing, but that's really none of your fucking business, eh?

So I spend a minimum of 3 hours a day working out, and it's nowhere near as hard as I thought it would be when I started last week. The fact that I've been able to survive it with no problems, I've surprised no one more than myself. Probably due to the fact that I've dedicated the last decade of my life to not much more than playing video games and smoking weed. The video games, well, I have no intention of ever giving those up.....EVER...but the weed, bye-bye.lol

When I'm working out at the gym, the most random thoughts tend to pop into my head. For example, why do those two girls come in and work out in their jeans? All the time. You're not at the club, stupid. Oh, and by the way, you should probably tell your son to take the lollipop out of his mouth while he's on the treadmill, 'cause if he falls, it's pretty likely that he could choke on the fucking thing. Seriously.

Or like the fact that oddly enough, I'm a little uncomfortable with the fact that I'm not fat anymore. Why, you may ask? Well, mostly due to the fact that people pay more attention to the way I look now. I've never been too comfortable with anyone paying attention to me, and I don't imagine that will change anytime soon. My friends, I'm okay with it. Everyone else needs to not bother me. lol

I plan on writing a lot more now, even though there will be that period when I'm not writing, because I will be in boot camp, and my mobile and my computer will be checked in when I get there, and I will not get it back until I am out of basic, 10 weeks. I can take a couple of notebooks though, so I can keep a journal when I'm there, and add it on later.

Now I have to go to bed, cause I'm fucking exhausted, and my body hates me now, due to my refusal to be a fat ass anymore. ;-)

..and so here it is.

Death is a strange thing. Well, maybe not in itself, but the way people react to it would be a more accurate statement. It can bring either the best or worst in people.

It can also get one thinking about their own life.

To be honest, those that know me know that I have never held much stock in my own life. I have my reasons, reasons that are known to the people who need to know.

I'm not close to that many people. Those I was closest to, with the exception of one (well,to be fair, one and a half..), are all gone now, with the passing of my great-grandmother.

4 years ago, I lost my grandfather. It was a very difficult situation, watching someone go to 100% healthy to passing away in 10 months time. He had a rare form of cancer, mesothelioma, which basically sits dormant for years, and isn't diagnosed until its beyond treatment. It was a very painful loss for me, and can still bring me to tears even these years later, at the slightest fond memory or reminder of him.

2 years ago, I lost my grandmother, Carol, who coincidentally never got anywhere near over the loss of her husband two years earlier. They had been together since high school, almost 60 years, so you can understand why. It was basically the equivalent of a horrible waiting game, watching her deteriorate. I was fortunate enough to spend a week with her, shortly before she passed. It was a week of traveling from hospital to hospital, accompanying her to dialysis, so on and so forth. Needless to say, she was just over it. Less than a week after I last saw her, she was gone. This was like losing my mother, as she is the closest thing I had to one.

8 months after that, I lost my other grandmother, my mother's mom. I loved her very much, as was very sad to lose her. At the same time, there was a degree of relief for her, because she had been sick for as long as I could remember. I hated that she had to suffer with it, and am infinitely grateful to my aunt Estelle for taking care of her.

That should catch us up now, right?

Yes.

I've spent the last week, just being home, thinking about things like the no-direction route my life is trying to continue taking. Or the fact that I have friends almost half my age asking me the same question the friends I've had for years are constantly asking me...

"Why the hell are you wasting your time working at these shit jobs? You are way too smart for this shit."

Yeah, I fucking know that.

Thing is, if you know me, you know I go out of my way to live my life as simply as possible, and I'm pretty damn good at it.

It's kinda boring though.

Plus, you gotta keep having jobs at restaurants, gas stations, etc. Also boring, and way too much drama.

I'm so over it.

So I decided to fully pursue something that I have wanted to do since I was a teenager. Hell, it's something I literally trained to do all through high school.

As of this afternoon, I officially began the process to join the military, the U.S. Army to be exact.
To be fair, this will be a shock to some, but not to others. To save time, no, there will be NO talking me out of this. Unless they reject me, (VERY unlikely lol), it's a done deal. If you truly care about me, you will be part of my support system, otherwise....

...ssshhhhhhh.

The time frame they have me slated on right now is 6 weeks. Yes, just 6 weeks.

That's what happens when you score off the charts on the ASVAB...lol

They are practically falling over themselves to get me ready to go.

Losing all that weight really sped up this process.lol

I'm actually quite excited about the whole thing....well, except the fact that I will be mostly out of contact for the 9 weeks I'm at BCT. Pffft, you'll live.lol

Besides, if I take a notepad or so with me, I can still write, and transfer it all to this blog after graduation.

Did you ever have that dream, where you're drowning, and no matter what you do, you can't save yourself?

Or the one where you're running, and you just can't get away, and you never even see what it is you're running from, or what exactly catches you?

Do you know what it feels like when you feel all that emotionally, every day....when you are awake?

Today was a pretty fucked all the way around, and just went from shit to worse when I stepped through my front door after work tonight.

I knew it was coming.

I just didn't realize it was going to happen that fast.

"Your grandma passed away...."

...fuck.

Really, it was my great-grandmother. For all intents and purposes, she was more like my grandmother, as my grandparents were, for all intents and purposes, my parents.

Which is why losing her today is so devastating for me.

She didn't suffer, which I'm glad about. She had been pretty much just been drifting in and out of sleep, not eating since this past weekend. The few times she did wake up, and she could speak, she would just tell my aunt Virginia, "I'm so tired.", and would just go back to sleep.

She was doing just that when she went. We should all be so lucky as to go in our sleep like that.

Living for 98 years takes a lot out of a person.

We all believed we would have her around for at least 5 to 10 more years. Up until last Friday, her health and demeanor supported that theory.

Then just like that....

....one week later....

....she's gone.

So many things have been going through my head since I found out a few hours ago, the main thought being I wish I could have had one last chance to say goodbye.

I had a lot more that I wanted to say, but I just can't keep a straight thought in my head, so I'm finished. I'll end it the only way I can at this point.



.... :(

Yeah, well FUCK YOU TOO!!!!

Life is an interesting thing.

Today being a good example of that.

Today I discovered I once again misplaced my trust, and was reminded of why I don't bother trying to trust anyone new. I've spent the last two years having this person's back, only to have it rudely rebuffed with one action. I have literally put my life on hold, and given my all to pick her up when she has fallen, and to be her friend and support system whenever she needed me.

What a waste of time THAT was.

Well, fuck me for falling for this bullshit again.

NEVER again....

I have enough friends.

FINALLY!!!!!!!!

The transferring process is finally complete. Everything I needed to move from my old blog to this one is now here. It took way longer to get it taken care of than it should have, but at least I can take it off my list of things to do.

Fuck you psycho, now you have to go find a new hobby. Stalking me is no longer an option for you.

Even on the off chance you did find this blog, it wouldn't matter. You are a waste of time, for everyone involved.

Now let's see if I can get my shit together, and start maintaining this place again.

Damn I've been gone for a long time....

With good reason. Well, not really, it was just work.

I live there, you know.

So it seems most of the time.

Lots of things going on lately. So much so, that I seem to run out of time to do everything. I still have lots of things that need taking care of. Looking for an apartment, for example. Yes, I'm still doing that. In an interesting turn of events, I'm now moving to an undisclosed location within the next few months. Undisclosed to the general public, that is. The people that need to know where I'll be already do.

I also had something happen at work that, once again, reminds me of why I don't trust people.

Other than that sentence, not even worth mentioning....

Can you believe it's already almost September??

...which means my favorite holiday is coming up...

HALLOWEEN!!! :)

Now just the decision on where to spend it....

I think since I spent this 4th of July with my California friends (kinda, we worked...lol), I should go home and spend Halloween there....

*note to self* inform work you will NOT be there this Halloween....eat shit, PH!!!

Another interesting (to me) development is the progress of my weight loss. As of last week, I'm officially a size smaller than I was when I graduated high school. It's kind of interesting, to be honest. The reactions of people who have never seen me this small will be interesting, especially since I will be even smaller when they see me.

What else??......

Oh...

Guess what, joo?? This beaner has a license again!!!!lol That, and I inherited grandpa's car, and I'm buying my friend Ian's bus. Which I'm hoping to con, I mean pay, you and Ziggy to help me fix....

....you guys still work for beer and joe, right?

Anyhow, now that my boss is finally back to work, and I REFUSE to be responsible for that restaurant anymore, I will have a lot more free time on my hands.

Thank fucking goodness for that.

With the beginning of the new week, I have made my "to do" list.

...finally.

As one who depends on my organizational skills to do anything important, the list was important. With the fact that my boss is yet again going out on medical leave, the time at work is going to be a huge help in accomplishing my goal to leave California at the end of the summer.

I'm writing this because right now I'm in the middle of loading my music collection onto my other computer. For the transfer of information I'm doing right now, doing anything else on that computer is impossible. The delay is horrid.

Once I finally decide on an apartment, everything else will be nothin'.

Well shit...

I have honestly meant to put way more time into this whole thing than I have, but to no avail. I just have had no time. I always seem to have more going on than I ever intend to, so something is obviously gonna suffer. After a little investigating, I discovered it's been two weeks since I did anything here.

Fuck.

I'm still not done transferring stuff from the old blog, but I'm getting damn close. Thank goodness, it will be one less thing I have to worry about. Then there is the whole apartment search thing, which while can at times be kind of a pain, gives you a lot more options, so it's just a matter of deciding on where exactly I want it to be. I'm not horribly worried about it, as I'm not really that picky. If I have my stuff with me, I can be comfortable anywhere. Probably why I'm not comfortable here in California. Most of my stuff is still in Bellingham.

The countdown is on.

27 more days.

Yet another midnight movie

Yes....as usual...
...still awake.

Work was easy today, which in itself was a surprise. It still sucked, don't get me wrong. Very few people are lucky enough to love their job, so you take it all with a grain of salt. Anyway, I figured the best way to finish out the day is to do something fun, something you actually want to do.

So we did.

For those of you don't know yet, I work in a restaurant. A restaurant that sits smack in the middle of a shopping center. Directly behind us, there is a movie theatre. We have a new cook, named Rick. Rick's brother Sam....

....works at the movie theatre.

Two nights ago, Rick asked us if we'd be interested in going to the movies, after work, on Wednesday night.

"My brother invited us to a special showing on Wednesday. To see the first run of....'Dark Knight'. You interested?"

....DUH!!!!!

It's all we talked about all night, since the general public won't get first crack at it until the Thursday midnight show. Some theatres will run a show in the afternoon most likely, but that doesn't matter.

We still got to see it first!!!!!!!!!

....and it was everything you could have wanted it to be.

I'm going to give ZERO spoilers on this, it would just be wrong. All I will say is it makes me sad all over again that Heath Ledger passed away, and won't be reprising his role in the future.

He was absolutely brilliant.