I want someone to tell me when it happened.

The exact moment if possible, but I doubt that it is.

When the FUCK did people lose their sense of right and wrong?  When did people decide it wasn't worth being civil to strangers, especially those who work in a customer service based job?

Do these people REALLY think they're better than everyone else?

Unfortunately, they do.

While I try and find the humor in most situations, especially when it comes to work, it doesn't always happen the way I want it to.  Having worked in the service industry for many years now, at one point about 2 or 3 years ago, I thought I had seen all the nonsense that was possible to see from customers.

Or "guests", as my current manager Steve (the whitest man on the planet, no lie) likes to refer to them...

...guests my ass. In my world, people I call guests know how to act right, in public and out of it.

Swear to fuck, some of these people have obviously had NO home training.  Nothing an ass whooping or two wouldn't have resolved, but it's too damn late now, eh?

I've had every insult in the book thrown my way over the years, too bad for the people throwing them I'm a great catcher and an even better pitcher.

Mistake number 1 assholes...just because we work fast food, customer service or any of the variety of shit minimum wage jobs does NOT make us stupid or incapable.  It makes us realistic about doing what we need to do to pay the bills.  You will also find the majority of us work ourselves to the bone in these places because we have far too much pride to take a handout we don't really need, especially when it would take it away from someone who does.  I'm extremely proud of the fact that I have been working literally since I was 12 years old and everything I have ever bought/owned I have worked my ass off to get and that I've always been able to take care of myself.

So for those who sit there and cry about not being able to get a job...someone is always hiring.  It may not be your dream job, but if it pays the bills and puts food in your mouth, what the fuck could you possibly have to complain about??

There is also those on the other side of the coin as well that do work. You know what I think of most (not all) of them?  Those who think they are better than myself and my co-workers because they don't have to do our job.

Nothing more than self-righteous fuck sticks who think they rule the world because they make a dollar or two more an hour than we do.  Please...

Like the bitch who came through the drive-thru a couple of weeks ago.  I meant to relay this story then, but I got sucked into video games and homework and forgot about it until now.

She came through with her daughter and as is typical of most people that roll through (at a snail's pace so then we have to listen to managers bitch about their "timer"...fuck that timer!!), they were ordering in the most idiotic way possible...

"Can I get a JBC...and a small fry...and another JBC....another small fry....a Crispy Chicken..."

You get the point.

Anyhow, this is how this woman was ordering her food, throwing in a couple of root beer floats for good measure, but the way she ordered it, we weren't sure if she wanted one or two.  So when our regular weekend drive-thru cashier Miss Rose asked her which it was to clarify her order, that asshole got all snotty and yelled into the speaker...

"TWO....ONE...TWO!!!!"

We proceeded to do what we always do, as we all are wearing headsets.  We finished making the order, bagged it, and then gathered around the drive-thru window like a fucking pack of wolves.  As I am the resident comedian in this place, I can make damn near anything funny, I busted one on this lady and good, because we haven't seen her since.  I said what I did for two reasons. The main one was that I didn't want Miss Rose to get into trouble (again) for mouthing off to this bitch and two the spark of humor hit me dead on with this one and I just couldn't in good conscience let it go to waste.

So after Miss Rose asked them if they wanted a drink carrier for their floats, which they emphatically and rudely refused, she handed them out their bags of food then proceeded to hand out the floats.  As she was doing this...

First float gets handed out the window and all anyone hears is...

"One root beer float...ah ah ah!!"  What can I say, I'm a genius! ^_^

The second one goes out and it's like a chorus, because now you have five people...

"TWO ROOT BEER FLOATS...AH AH AH!!!"

Take that Sesame Street burn bitches!!!!


I really have to remember to be careful with that shit, because Miss Rose has a bad heart, which I forget sometimes and I really don't want her to stroke out on my account, though she would go out with a big shit eating grin on her face.

I don't always get to apply this humor though.  Most of my time with unruly customers is spent resisting the urge to reach over the counter/through the window to punch a motherfucker.  For as long as I've been doing this, I have to say this is the worst restaurant I've ever worked at.  Not because of the company or because they don't pay me well enough, but just because the constant influx of shitty, trashy customers is constant in ways that I have never seen before.

So to all of those who are reading this that have been in my place or currently are, I will say this to you the same way I say it to the young ones that work with me.  Since they look up to me (still haven't figured out why that is) I use it to my advantage and tell them to stay in school/go back to school/get into school.   Fast food/customer service is nothing to make a career out of unless you literally have no motivation or desire to do anything else

And to all of you who think that is our job to:

1....clean up after you because you are a lazy slob who can't be bothered to hold something that probably weighs no more than a few ounces, even with trash on it, to one of the multiple trash cans that are in EVERY fast food restaurant on your way out the door, I'll let you in on a little secret.

IT'S NOT!!

The only thing that happens when you do this is that we pretty much instantly start talking shit about you when your gone.  Oh, and guess what else?? So are the other customers in the restaurant.  You have no idea how often we are approached by your fellow consumers just to be told nothing more than "those disgusting people at the table left a mess, we made sure to clean ours up, you have enough to do."  Which is exactly correct.  The other thing that happens is you leave everyone else with this impression...

If you are that much of a pig in public...I can't even imagine how bad your home is >.<

2....put up with your shit because the 'customer is always right'.  Wrong again fuckhead.

That is so far from the case that it's literally not even funny.  While most people can get away with this attitude and get what they want, I'm here to tell you...actually I'm here to DARE you to do that where I work now.  We can't even keep managers in that place because of the fact that you got some downright roughneck bitches running this place from the crew level.  We care about our job on a level where we want to be better than the other stores in our district (and are), but not enough about it to go out of our way to be nice to assholes in order to not be fired.  I can tolerate anything and be nice to the biggest asshole if the need arises, but I draw the line at name calling. You call me a bitch or the like, and you will see that part of me, job be damned.

Trust, you don't ever want to see that side of me.  People that have seen just an inkling have said they never ever want to see me go full blown.

They don't.

3....give you what you want just because you want it?  Fuck off.  It's not my fault you didn't read your coupon right.  Some asshead came in today and tried to tell one of the managers I was rude to him because I had to spell it out for him in front of other customers why his food was discounted the way it was, and that I wasn't handing him anything else that he hadn't paid for, no matter how loud he got.  Too bad their was another manager that was out of his sight who heard the whole exchange and verified the fact that I had not been rude at all.  Maybe being loud works for you in other aspects of your life but not here.  I can outdo you on being loud any day of the week, believe it.

4....read you the entire menu board and quote every price on it, you are very sorely mistaken.  Seriously, what the fuck do you think that damn menu board is for anyway? Fucking decoration??
I also love when someone asks you what is on almost every sandwich, then orders one plain. Motherfucker you knew you didn't want anything on it, just tell us!!!

5....be patient when you are clogging up our drive-thru.  For some odd reason, most fast food restaurants run on a timer (stupid as fuck, admittedly) and people know this. YET, they will still roll through the drive-thru, state they need a few minutes and after making us wait for 3 or 4 minutes (an absolute eternity when you work off a timer), you only order a $1 chicken sandwich and a water???

I seriously hope you fucking choke on that sandwich.

Now we have the 8 cars behind you that were waiting for you to finish your fucking phone call (another rant for another day) so you can order a $1 worth of food while every car behind you orders at least $20-$25 each.  Timer in the toilet people.

Am I seriously the only one who KNOWS what I want when I go to a particular restaurant?

If I go to Jack's, it's because I want tacos.  If I go to Taco Bell, it's because I want steak gorditas and nachos.  If I go to McD's, it's because I want nuggets and fries.  If I go to Wendy's...

...it's because I'm going to work :-p

Point is, people need to learn how to behave again in public. Man, don't these people ever watch movies or television?  Ryan Reynolds said it best...

"Don't fuck with the people that serve your food!"  Seriously, does no one even consider that?

Those of us who work to help/serve you are tired of your shit, and believe me I have a plan to attempt to remedy the situation.  In this day and age of modern technology and social media, apparently one only needs a camera/phone with video capabilities and a YouTube account.

Watch out motherfuckers....we comin' for ya!!!